Made my day!

Oh! There's a very special man who made my day. After that last post, I felt a lot better getting it all out (I'm sure I forgot to say something, but doesn't matter now) and my husband comes home with a customers car (and the customer in it!) The customer lives around the corner and has an "organic farm". He grows flowers, bananas, avocados as well as other things... Anyway, he's given us 2 bunches of flowers, 4 lil pumpkins, 4 bananas and 2 ready to eat avocados. Oh it was so good of him! I can't thank either of them enough! (pls excuse the rest of the mess on the bench!)







Then the husband told me he bought me something... awww surprise thoughtfulness! love him

Lately

Lately, I've been feeling so overwhelmed and depressed. I sit here and type, tears in my eyes trying not to cry. But I have no reason to cry. I don't understand.

I know there is so much going on at the moment.

I wonder if I'm cut out for all of this at once.

Uni seems to be getting more on top of me than I realise. There's a 15 min presentation (with 5 mins of question time) to prepare. 2 essays. 3 exams in 2weeks time, the presentation is in 3 weeks time. Not sure when the essays are due. And they're just the mid semester ones.

Vaccinations for prac placement. Doctors appointments. All costs money, and time.

Work. I work coz we need the money.

I miss my son everyday when he's at day care and I'm at home. I feel like the worst parent ever that he's 4 doors up at daycare. I feel like I should be able to everything while he's here. It's like "You're a hinderance right now, go away to this lady for 3 days a week" or "It's to hard to be a parent. Go to daycare so I can parent part-time". I know it benefits both of us. He gets social skills and does things that we dont do at home. I get my uni work done, and clean the house. No me time, just homework and housework.

Then they both come home and the I don't want to work on my uni stuff any more. I want to DO things with them. The husband has been at work all day, I can understand he needs to have a break, but then he's on the couch, or in the pantry/fridge, doesn't want to go anywhere or help with anything.

The house becomes an instant mess, and even more so after dinner. Dishes just get left on the table, or chucked into the sink for me to do. It doesn't set a good example for our son. The loungeroom floor becomes the biggest car track and toys are strewn everywhere. J is toilet training, but when he calls out he needs to go to the toilet, I'm the only one that hears him but the husband wont get up off the couch and says he didn't hear him.

SPEND TIME WITH US! HELP ME OUT!

Before we went camping on Sunday, I had asked if he could stack and unstack the dishwasher. He unstacked it. Left all the dirty dishes in the sink. Really. Use your brain. I tried to tidy before we left, but then there was an arguement over something. I'm over it.

Sometimes I think... If I wanted to do it all myself, I may as well move out coz I do it all myself anyway. Somedays it feels like he just lives here. I know its not. It just feels that way (and a big thankyou to my uni friend for her words, you know who you are )

Then my depression goes deeper. I was so horrible to my mum when I was a teenager, probably when she needed me the most. She has said, years ago, that she's forgiven me, but will never forget. I feel so horrible. I can never take back what I did and never get back what I could have had.

The presentation at uni is on divorce and the socio-economic, environmental and psycho-social contributions and how as a nurse you can help. Looking for a you-tube video on that was so depressing. All these videos on how divorce hurts children. Its sad and it's not helping my mental state.

I don't blame either parent for the divorce. To be honest, I don't want to know the inner workings of what happened. Mum did try to mention something a few months ago. I just don't want to know. That sounds horrible, and mum probably just wants to be able to discuss it, I don't think I'm ready

Right now, I just need a hug from my baby or my husband [or my mum :)] but they're all at work and will think it's all just silly business.

I'm off to wash my face and get back into the assignments, and pretend like I'm the happy person I appear to be. :)

Seriously?

WARNING TMI

OMG did you seriously just say that to me? This morning, after dtd, trying to discuss logistics of it (logistics coz I don't want to go into detail), he said that his satisfaction is more important than mine. WTF? Also, why is it only him that gets "lucky" but when I'd like to be "lucky" he's just not interested? So not fair...

Sometimes I wonder

The residents are watching "My Fair Lady" (and I'm not supposed to be on my phone) but all I can daydream about is that someone would fall in love with me...

Yes yes, I'm aware I'm married. And we both love each other, but some spontanaity would be nice... .o0 I can dream

Too cute

Kids say the cutest things!

The daycare lady told me that J told her "my mummy is very very special" awww. And yes, there were two "very's"

"mummy I want a cookie" "no cookies" " mummy I want a cookie in my mouth" and points to his mouth. I'm aware where the cookie goes :-)

After my PT session yesterday, I said "we go home and cook dinner" "yep!" "and we bake some muffins?" "no" "cupcakes?" "no" "biscuits?" "no" then what are we going to cook?" "BACON!"

last night while The Man was trying to settle J to bed, J said "I want yoghurt in my tummy". The Man had not heard this before, was trying not to laugh!

Catch Up!

Well... What has been happening!?

Uni is in full swing! In fact, I have a 300 word essay due Monday and a referencing portfolio due Friday and an in-class quiz in the morning! I actually decided I'd better get a move on with the essay. Yes, it's due Monday, but I want to submit it on Friday, and have a stress-less weekend ;-)

Work - well nothing's changed. Got yelled at by the EEN, but she appologised a few hours later. Did a short shift, only 3hrs, today, purely to get some spare $$ for just in case.

Life in general is crap. The dear husband who vowed to help me out when I started uni gets all shitty when I even ask him to do the dishes. Just unstack and stack the dishes... it's not that hard. The house is ALWAYS a mess. Perhaps thats the biggest downer atm. I just feel like if things are clean, I feel clearer. if that makes sense.

The husbands boss has told him some news, so he gets to be boss for the day a few more times yet. Lots of responsibility for him. Proud of him, but shame about the circumstances.

J is getting better with his toilet training, but we are still having the issue with #2's. The daycare lady wants me to supply a nappy for when they take him to playgroup. WTF NO! I don't pack a bag for you just to put J into the too hard basket and think it's all too hard to take a change of clothes that I supply. what the hell is the point of supplying them then? I can understand that, yes, it's an inconvenience when you're at playgroup, you're watching 4 kids, but you know that he wanders off to be on his own when he needs to do that, so KEEP AN EYE ON MY KID.

Off my soapbox for now coz that really irks me and I need (and you probably need) to be busy elsewhere.

Today went to the dogs from the very beginning.
-J wet the bed.
-J wet at the breakfast table.
-J late to daycare.
-I was late heading off to uni
-Thought I was having a fight with the husband
-Parking meter stole my money
-Tutorial cancelled by email, but didn't find out til time to start


Anyways - off to rewrite this essay :( Long night ahead for me!

The Monkey

Just had to share this!
I took J to the toilets at Westfield Carindale the other day. He's toilet training, and doing quite well!

He's sitting on the toilet with me in the same cubicle, and he tells me.
"I like rainbows. Pink ones"

Haha totally random, had to tell The Man. And share with you.