I would LOVE to thank the fantastic Sarah for creating the blog you see before you! Well, I write it, she did everything else! Hope I didn't make it too difficult for you!
Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Sunday, 11 April 2010
Not happy Jan
I don't know if it's proper ettiquitte to blog when angry but too bad.
I didn't pay $100 for sleeping bags to go camping this weekend with money I didn't have so you can stay up til 1:30am (at least), get so drunk that your not even going to feel the cold. I didn't. Swap my Sunday shift with someone for their Tuesday am shift so e
we could go camping this weekend and you're gonna get so wasted I'm not going to enjoy it.
Yes I understand that it's your uncle's 40th birthday party, but he's camping too... He'll be here in the morning.
I could have kept my Sunday shift and driven home now and got the good pay for working a Sunday, and not have the stress of working from 0630am tuesday til 1430, and have a lecture that starts at 1400 goes til 1600 and it takes half an hour to get. ALSO we have no baby sitter for Tuesday am... All so we could go camping...
The longer it takes you to come to bed the more angry I'm going to get... Haven't u learnt this yet?? ;-(
I didn't pay $100 for sleeping bags to go camping this weekend with money I didn't have so you can stay up til 1:30am (at least), get so drunk that your not even going to feel the cold. I didn't. Swap my Sunday shift with someone for their Tuesday am shift so e
we could go camping this weekend and you're gonna get so wasted I'm not going to enjoy it.
Yes I understand that it's your uncle's 40th birthday party, but he's camping too... He'll be here in the morning.
I could have kept my Sunday shift and driven home now and got the good pay for working a Sunday, and not have the stress of working from 0630am tuesday til 1430, and have a lecture that starts at 1400 goes til 1600 and it takes half an hour to get. ALSO we have no baby sitter for Tuesday am... All so we could go camping...
The longer it takes you to come to bed the more angry I'm going to get... Haven't u learnt this yet?? ;-(
Friday, 9 April 2010
Growing up too fast!
J is just growing up waaay to fast! Toilet training is going really well (but if you say toilet train, he think a train toilet!)
this morning he's sitting on the floor with his tent around and says he's Spotty Wot! Random!
Eating breakfast, I walk back into the kitchen and he says "it's a bright and sunny day,mummy!" aww yes it is :)
language is just going in leaps and bounds... Just want to cuddle him all day!
this morning he's sitting on the floor with his tent around and says he's Spotty Wot! Random!
Eating breakfast, I walk back into the kitchen and he says "it's a bright and sunny day,mummy!" aww yes it is :)
language is just going in leaps and bounds... Just want to cuddle him all day!
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
My lil man - April 2010
Thought I'd just share some photos of my lil man J from our easter camping weekend
J and his cousin G (who is 1yr & 9 days younger than J)
J and his cousin N (10months older than J & is G's older brother)
J and his cousin G (who is 1yr & 9 days younger than J)
J and his cousin N (10months older than J & is G's older brother)
Made my day!
Oh! There's a very special man who made my day. After that last post, I felt a lot better getting it all out (I'm sure I forgot to say something, but doesn't matter now) and my husband comes home with a customers car (and the customer in it!) The customer lives around the corner and has an "organic farm". He grows flowers, bananas, avocados as well as other things... Anyway, he's given us 2 bunches of flowers, 4 lil pumpkins, 4 bananas and 2 ready to eat avocados. Oh it was so good of him! I can't thank either of them enough! (pls excuse the rest of the mess on the bench!)
Then the husband told me he bought me something... awww surprise thoughtfulness! love him
Then the husband told me he bought me something... awww surprise thoughtfulness! love him
Lately
Lately, I've been feeling so overwhelmed and depressed. I sit here and type, tears in my eyes trying not to cry. But I have no reason to cry. I don't understand.
I know there is so much going on at the moment.
I wonder if I'm cut out for all of this at once.
Uni seems to be getting more on top of me than I realise. There's a 15 min presentation (with 5 mins of question time) to prepare. 2 essays. 3 exams in 2weeks time, the presentation is in 3 weeks time. Not sure when the essays are due. And they're just the mid semester ones.
Vaccinations for prac placement. Doctors appointments. All costs money, and time.
Work. I work coz we need the money.
I miss my son everyday when he's at day care and I'm at home. I feel like the worst parent ever that he's 4 doors up at daycare. I feel like I should be able to everything while he's here. It's like "You're a hinderance right now, go away to this lady for 3 days a week" or "It's to hard to be a parent. Go to daycare so I can parent part-time". I know it benefits both of us. He gets social skills and does things that we dont do at home. I get my uni work done, and clean the house. No me time, just homework and housework.
Then they both come home and the I don't want to work on my uni stuff any more. I want to DO things with them. The husband has been at work all day, I can understand he needs to have a break, but then he's on the couch, or in the pantry/fridge, doesn't want to go anywhere or help with anything.
The house becomes an instant mess, and even more so after dinner. Dishes just get left on the table, or chucked into the sink for me to do. It doesn't set a good example for our son. The loungeroom floor becomes the biggest car track and toys are strewn everywhere. J is toilet training, but when he calls out he needs to go to the toilet, I'm the only one that hears him but the husband wont get up off the couch and says he didn't hear him.
SPEND TIME WITH US! HELP ME OUT!
Before we went camping on Sunday, I had asked if he could stack and unstack the dishwasher. He unstacked it. Left all the dirty dishes in the sink. Really. Use your brain. I tried to tidy before we left, but then there was an arguement over something. I'm over it.
Sometimes I think... If I wanted to do it all myself, I may as well move out coz I do it all myself anyway. Somedays it feels like he just lives here. I know its not. It just feels that way (and a big thankyou to my uni friend for her words, you know who you are )
Then my depression goes deeper. I was so horrible to my mum when I was a teenager, probably when she needed me the most. She has said, years ago, that she's forgiven me, but will never forget. I feel so horrible. I can never take back what I did and never get back what I could have had.
The presentation at uni is on divorce and the socio-economic, environmental and psycho-social contributions and how as a nurse you can help. Looking for a you-tube video on that was so depressing. All these videos on how divorce hurts children. Its sad and it's not helping my mental state.
I don't blame either parent for the divorce. To be honest, I don't want to know the inner workings of what happened. Mum did try to mention something a few months ago. I just don't want to know. That sounds horrible, and mum probably just wants to be able to discuss it, I don't think I'm ready
Right now, I just need a hug from my baby or my husband [or my mum :)] but they're all at work and will think it's all just silly business.
I'm off to wash my face and get back into the assignments, and pretend like I'm the happy person I appear to be. :)
I know there is so much going on at the moment.
I wonder if I'm cut out for all of this at once.
Uni seems to be getting more on top of me than I realise. There's a 15 min presentation (with 5 mins of question time) to prepare. 2 essays. 3 exams in 2weeks time, the presentation is in 3 weeks time. Not sure when the essays are due. And they're just the mid semester ones.
Vaccinations for prac placement. Doctors appointments. All costs money, and time.
Work. I work coz we need the money.
I miss my son everyday when he's at day care and I'm at home. I feel like the worst parent ever that he's 4 doors up at daycare. I feel like I should be able to everything while he's here. It's like "You're a hinderance right now, go away to this lady for 3 days a week" or "It's to hard to be a parent. Go to daycare so I can parent part-time". I know it benefits both of us. He gets social skills and does things that we dont do at home. I get my uni work done, and clean the house. No me time, just homework and housework.
Then they both come home and the I don't want to work on my uni stuff any more. I want to DO things with them. The husband has been at work all day, I can understand he needs to have a break, but then he's on the couch, or in the pantry/fridge, doesn't want to go anywhere or help with anything.
The house becomes an instant mess, and even more so after dinner. Dishes just get left on the table, or chucked into the sink for me to do. It doesn't set a good example for our son. The loungeroom floor becomes the biggest car track and toys are strewn everywhere. J is toilet training, but when he calls out he needs to go to the toilet, I'm the only one that hears him but the husband wont get up off the couch and says he didn't hear him.
SPEND TIME WITH US! HELP ME OUT!
Before we went camping on Sunday, I had asked if he could stack and unstack the dishwasher. He unstacked it. Left all the dirty dishes in the sink. Really. Use your brain. I tried to tidy before we left, but then there was an arguement over something. I'm over it.
Sometimes I think... If I wanted to do it all myself, I may as well move out coz I do it all myself anyway. Somedays it feels like he just lives here. I know its not. It just feels that way (and a big thankyou to my uni friend for her words, you know who you are )
Then my depression goes deeper. I was so horrible to my mum when I was a teenager, probably when she needed me the most. She has said, years ago, that she's forgiven me, but will never forget. I feel so horrible. I can never take back what I did and never get back what I could have had.
The presentation at uni is on divorce and the socio-economic, environmental and psycho-social contributions and how as a nurse you can help. Looking for a you-tube video on that was so depressing. All these videos on how divorce hurts children. Its sad and it's not helping my mental state.
I don't blame either parent for the divorce. To be honest, I don't want to know the inner workings of what happened. Mum did try to mention something a few months ago. I just don't want to know. That sounds horrible, and mum probably just wants to be able to discuss it, I don't think I'm ready
Right now, I just need a hug from my baby or my husband [or my mum :)] but they're all at work and will think it's all just silly business.
I'm off to wash my face and get back into the assignments, and pretend like I'm the happy person I appear to be. :)
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