scone on a mission

Oh gosh. I so never want to do that again...

Jensen has been bouncing off the walls since I picked him up from daycare at 4. Litterally. He was even throwing his 20c peice he found Into the air where it very nearly got picked up by the ceiling fan.

By the time Andrew got home at 730, I was over it. I was tired, hot, cranky, stressed (from today - whole other post!, and about tomorrows baby shower) and over it. All I wanted him to do (and by this time it was 8 something - past bedtime - was go and lie down on *my* bed. He kept pushing the door to come into the en suite (where Andrew is having a shower and trying to tell me something) and making a game of it. I snapped and opened the door, put him outside and told him- yelled at him- to get on the bed coz he'd been pising me off for hours. I must have never used that voice before coz he looked absolutely frightened and tears streamed down his face. Seeing him like that made me a bigger mess than he was and I spent the next 5 mins in tears and holding and cuddling him. "mummy is so sorry." "I'm so sorry too mummy" broke my heart even more.

By the time Andrew finished his shower, I had started to explain to Jensen why mummy snapped and that in the next 3 weeks thing are going to get busy. Very busy. And I need him to be an awesome big brother... Coz theres going to be a baby crying, and more than likely mummy crying, and that he'll have to look after mummy... He did cheer up when he heard he was going to have to look after me :)

But when I yelled at him, oh, I felt like one of those abusive parents... I never want to feel this way again. It's terrible! How can parents treat children like that on a regular basis?!?