Jensen at breakfast: "I don't want it to be Monday, I want it to be Friday. I don't like Mondays."

Jensen is finally feeling baby move! He's lying on his tummy with his head on the bump listening to hiccups! He is so excited!

Omg, bed time is becoming a nightmare again. 4 months of bliss at bedtime, all over. :(
"mummy, I want to lie down with you"
"'mummy, I want you to stay with me"
"mummy, will you lie down with me?"
There are others, but these are the main ones. The obviously fake crying, carrying on like a pork chop, quietens when I walk in, starts up when I walk away, even when I promise to come back in a minute. When Andrew goes to him all he does is scream for me.

Tonight however, the whole crying/ carrying on happened again, I went down and offered all sorts of things - the beach for a swim maybe - I'll take away his train table, I'll leave him at home by himself (which is a total lie) while I go to the hospital to check baby, something he loves to be involved in. Finally I slap a book against the hallway wall (not my finest moment). Got his attention.

I go in to ask him to stop crying and if he rolls over and goes to sleep he can play the 'speak like a Dalek' (you record your voice and it repeats back in a Dalek voice) app on my iPhone. Jensens face lights up. He asks if I can say "Go to sleep Jensen" in a Dalek voice. I say it my best Dalek voice. No, I have to use the app. Ok... I get the app, record my voice and Jensen's happy. I kiss him goodnight and I'll see him in the morning.

Check in 5 mins later - he's asleep!! Omg my kid is a sci fi geek!! He's 3!

:)

That's ok though. He's asleep. Now let's see if that works straight up tomorrow!

Yesterday, at a 3yo birthday party, a new mum of a 3yo and a 2 week old asked me how long I had left to go. I had to actually think about it. 2 months. I mean. It's January, and I'm due March. That's 2 months, right?


Well. No.


It's the end of January and I'm due beginning March. So, technically - that's 6 weeks. Yep. That's it folks. 6 weeks - 8 tops until our house is filled with tears (from the baby, Jensen and probably myself), poop, vomit and breastmilk. I freaked out when we left the party.


We are going to a cousin's wedding - a beach wedding - in 2 weeks. It takes 2 hours to get there, and we're staying overnight.  I had told Andrew when we got the invite (we were only just pregnant at the time) that the baby's car seat would need to be installed and my hospital bag packed before we left for that wedding. Mum and I found the dress I'm wearing to the wedding on Saturday and it was then I realised the wedding was 2 weeks away.


Sunday, I realise that baby is due in 6 weeks.
My baby shower is in 4 weeks.
Uni starts back in 5 weeks.


Crap. I am so unprepared!


Now I have to make sure I have a little thankyou bag for the guests attending the baby shower. I have to send out invitations to said baby shower too yet. I have to pack a hospital bag and put a baby seat in the car before the wedding. I have to clean the baby's room up, get the junk outta there. I have to buy stationery for uni. This house looks cluttered and I need it to look fantastic before I bring baby home to it.


Stress much?

After that dream the other night, I just can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen.

I wonder how I'd cope, how Andrew would cope, how on earth we'd explain it to Jensen and how he'd cope.

I am forever trying to make this baby move. Just as a reassurance. By the evening, it's moved a few times, but then apparently it's party time!  Relief sets in and I can sleep assured (but not comfortably!)

The feelings set in again in the morning.

6 weeks to go until this feeling hopefully disappears.

J - "Mum, can I have a sausage roll for dinner?"
Me - "where would I get a sausage roll from?"
J - "the sausage roll house!"
Me - "where's the sausage roll house?"
J - "at Bunnings!"

After just days after the floods started in QLD,  Lori from RRSAHM lost her husband. Then, Lucy from Unperfect Life lost her sister. To read, only 9 days later that Lucy, a big part of my online world, had passed away as well is heartbreaking.

This month has lost a lot of lives.  :(

Why do you have a baby in your tummy?

Why do you have boobies for booby milk?

I didn't break it, it was someone else.

Just woke up from the worst nightmare. There was a big thank you note on the inlaws patio table thanking people for their thoughts and prayers got our still born baby.

I've just spent about 10 mins in tears coz I'm freaking out it's not true.

Andrew gave me a big hug anyway, and told me to go to the kitchen for some cold water.

The tears stopped, and I'm lying here waiting for movement.

Ok, baby has moved. I'm going back to the kitchen coz I want to make sure.

I can't imagine what the pain must be like to experience it for real, but when I was in that dream and when I woke up, it seemed damned real for a long time.

What a way to bring in new year... We finally get a reprieve from the rain, only when the clock ticked over to midnight, it started to rain. :(

Normally I wouldn't mind, but the nesting got to me today and I washed a whole lot of nappies - that are on the line.

Hopefully New Years Day is still sunny enough to dry them. Fingers crossed!

Happy new year!!