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Thursday, 18 April 2013

C25k week 4 day 3

Week 4 day 3 complete. I had Andrew's​​ company for my warm up, then he ditched me. About 1km from home, I stumbled in the dark, thought I saved myself from falling, fell anyway. Pushed myself the rest of the way home with a twisted knee and ankle and sore hip (and scraped elbow!) Time to ice my injuries.

Wednesday, 17 April 2013


Try hard as I might, shifting this weight isn't happening as smoothly as I'd like. 2 weeks ago, I went back to Paleo eating. Last week, I jumped on the scales on the Wednesday and discovered I lost a massive 1.8kg in a week. So I had a little left over chocolate. Then some bread. And whatever we had in the fridge/ freezer/ pantry. This continued all week and then over the weekend coz I was out and mum and my sisters place. And I ate chocolate at mums (most probably because it was there, and because - and I don't if this is true for everyone else - once I have chocolate it's like a drug and I just craved it more and more). I started back eating paleo again on Monday, because holy moly I was feeling it. As I was getting dressed this morning, my jeans don't fit :( I feel bigger than what I did 2weeks ago :( I know I Ate a lot of crap over the weekend, but surely not at much.

I'm feeling sorry for myself, even though I did it to myself. I can't even make myself do my c25k, I hate it. I like the feeling of completion. Just not the actual running. I just want to lose some weight, 12(maybe 15 now...) and keep it off.

Saturday, 13 April 2013

E is asleep on the other side of the queen bed , just launched herself at me to snuggle at my face

Sunday, 7 April 2013


Sometimes, mainly when I'm on my own and have all my own thoughts all to myself, I think of my husband. I remember things we've done together, things that have been said, things that we've done for each other (good - like the drawings/doodles he drew for me before we started dating. I think I may still have one somewhere - or annoying - he seems to be quite good at annoying me, just to get a reaction). I remember. I feel good. Those memories make me smile.

Then I think.... Is the romance I have with my husband better as a memory? Most times I come home and get grumped at, or whinged to or pick up after him or have him roll the other way in bed then unceremoniously fart on me. Yep. Love is alive here.

But I don't think / remember those things when I'm alone.

When I remember things when I'm alone, I feel like I fall more in love. That that feeling should last forever. Sadly, when I get home or make a phone call to him or come home to a mess, that it all comes shattering down and I'm hurtled back to Earth.

Sometimes, I'd like to be surprised. To feel that way spontaneously. To have a new memory created. Perhaps even a random thank you or hug or kiss on the cheek - for no reason, just because.

Is love amplified in memory or is it a constant for YOU? Do you make your partner / spouse / loved one / family member feel special out of the blue? So they can create their own happy memory? Do they know how they make you feel (or how you make them feel)? Do they know you are happy and content just as you are right now, or that you need a little extra something? It could be as simple as validation for something that you did - even if it was for yourself, or them, or your kids, or the stranger in the street.

Do other people even think like this? Do other people think back on memories? Even ones that make them cringe?

 I have a few cringe memories, and most of those go hand in hand with regret. I try not to dwell too much on those ones, but the cringe memory seems to be the one with the most detail, the detail just tightly holds onto regret like a little girl walking an excited puppy. So close and yet completely separate.

Do you even know how your other half feels? Do you (or they) feel this romance constantly - the intensity never varying, or do you (or they) cling to those few memories that are few and far between?
Why won't E sleep in her own bed?! Drives me crazy. Goes to sleep in J's bed, then comes into mine. Half asleep tanty ensues when trying to put her back to bed. Frustrating. When she finally gets it that I want my side back, she sleeps on top of the blanket between my legs, or mine and Andrews legs.

Friday, 5 April 2013


E gets all excited abd loves to help people take their shoes, and particularly socks, off. She also is happy to put rubbish in the bin.

Tonight, E helped Andrew take his socks off, she said "yay!" and he told her to put them in the dirty clothes basket. She collected them and ran off with them. Andrew called her back and told her *our* wash basket. He then turned to me and said "I'm so glad she loves doing all the womanly tasks..."


Monday, 1 April 2013

Just heard the first hurtful words directed at me by J.
"You've changed, mum, you're no longer fun, but mean"
I am devastated. He can't even tell me what I'm doing (or not doing) so I can fix it. :'(