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Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Things that pissed me off yesterday

First -

The junk mail deliverer put a big stack of papers BESIDE the mailbox. Beside EVERY mailbox in the street. The breeze blew them everywhere.

Second -
There was heavily pregnant woman showing her 2yo how to skip with a skipping rope at gymnastics. Making it look easy.

Third. Lets put it this way, this was my facebook status....
For crying out loud! If your going you're going to bring your only-just toddling granddaughter to gymnastics, keep her away from the climbing rope the kids are supposed to be swinging from. Don't baby her coz she's crying coz she walked on to the mat where my son was using the apparatus. If you'd have been watching her in the first place she wouldn't have been bowled over. Moron.

Four. Went to Lincraft to get googly eyes for a craft project. There were 2 women at the register. One woman had a big line. Other was only serving one person, presumably because she was closing her register, although that would make no sense seeing the other woman's line was big. Anyway, I walked over to her register and she said "You have to go the other register" in a terse way. I just told her I was looking for the googly eyes and she sighed told me where they were, as if it were such a hassle. We found them and headed to the other ladies register. Jensen had picked up a empty fabric roll (like a tube from in a kitchen paper towels, but for fabric) and was walking around with it. THIS lady snatched it from him. The old man behind us told her she was taking away all the fun. He wasn't hitting anyone with it. She smiled a smart arse smile and just continued serving the woman in front.

365 day photo challenge - day 100

365 day photo challenge - day 100 - November 30, 2011
My workout buddy at my first PT session

365 day photo challenge - day 99

365 day photo challenge - day 99 - November 29, 2011
Wall cards, hanging on the wall. Now. To get them to stay there.

365 day photo challenge - day 98

365 day photo challenge - day 98 - November 28, 2011
Yes, they actually are watching tv like this.

365 day photo challenge - day 97

365 day photo challenge - day 97 - November 27, 2011
My cherry tomato haul from the garden!

365 day photo challenge - day 96

365 day photo challenge - day 96 - November 26, 2011
Passed my exam! Congratulations!

365 day photo challenge - day 95

365 day photo challenge - day 95 - November 25, 2011
I made SHAPED cookies AND the icing actually WORKED!

Chickpea Fritters

1 x 400g can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 cup skim milk
3/4 cup self raising flour
1 tsp ground cumin
1 cup frozen corn kernels
4 green shallots, trimmed, thinly sliced
2 garlic cloves, crushed
2 tbs fresh flat leaf parsley
1 x 125g tub low fat tzatziki

  • Pulse chickpeas in a food processor until coarsely chopped. Add eggs and pulse, continuing to add milk, flour and cumin while pulsing. 
  • Fold in corn, shallots, garlic and parsley.
  • Lightly spray a large non-stick fry pan with oil and heat over medium-high heat. Using 1/4 cup mixture for each fritter, form 4 fritters in the pan. Cook for 2-3 mins  each side or until golden, risen and cooked through. 
  • Transfer to a plate and cover to keep warm. Repeat with remaining mix to make 12 fritters.

Serve warm or cold with salad and tzatziki. We just eat these on their own! Most times, I just leave out the shallots and parsley.

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Product Review - Fisher Price 1-2-3 Crawl Along Snail

Meet my product tester for the Fisher Price 1-2-3 Crawl Along Snail -  Product Talk by Nuffnang
Miss Eden. 8.5 months.

From the Fisher Price website:
Wobble, wiggle, smile and giggle—this cheerful friend is fun in so many ways! For tummy time, baby will enjoy looking in the mirror, listening to music and sounds. For sit-up play, there’s back and forth rocking motion. And when baby’s ready to crawl, the snail will lead the way, wobbling along with lively music and dancing lights!

Miss Eden started to crawl just days before the 1-2-3 Crawl Along Snail (now referred to as The Snail) was delivered to my door to test out. The Snail Promotes tummy time, sitting and crawling. Unfortunately, I was looking forward to testing out the tummy time part of The Snail's  talents. The Snail has a mirror (as seen in the picture reflecting my kitchen - thank goodness it was clean!), I assume that this is to promote Tummy Time where the baby can see themselves while The Snail sings a happy few bars of "If You're Happy and You Know It" and its face flashes on and off. Cute. Shame I didn't get to test that part of it out. I didn't mention this before, but The Snail has a "lock" function so that when baby is doing Tummy Time, or sitting with The Snail, it doesn't go anywhere. Unlock it for the crawling part.

To promote sitting, the snail can be left on "lock" and when baby bats The Snail, it will gently rock and play some more music. Again, I don't get to use this "lock function much as Eden is just full of beans, a bit rough and needs to crawl everywhere.

I still have not worked out what the lady bug does.
Perhaps it's to propel the snail to roll

To aid in learning to crawl, the "lock" is slid to the off position. Simply roll the snail along the floor and baby can chase after it. I did this a few times and Eden just looked at me to say "What did you do that for?" She didn't crawl after it, because big brother Jensen would just bring it back! The green around the mirror is how the snail rolls.

Still, she's not chased after it yet. Give her time! For now, she likes to kick it with her feet, fiddle with the antennae and ATTACK!

I have found the the music is proximity activated! Just walk past it and it starts singing! Very cute and gets your attention. Especially in the dark!
I do apologise for the photos being absolutely all over the place. They just will not stay still during editing. I give up.

Saturday, 26 November 2011


OMG. I never thought I'd be so happy once the kids were in bed!  Jensen has been extremely testing this last week. The tantrums he has - over nothing!  Tell him no, he fake cries. Tell him off (and this week its coz he's either overly rough with Eden or hurts her just because and then can't give you a reason) and he fake cries. He back chats, makes and loud cranky "errgh" grunt noise when you sent him to his room. There his fake cry gets louder. It's more than once a day I tell him off.. If the neighbours didn't know his name, they certainly do now!
Things he used to able to do, apparently now he can't! Can't turn on the light, can't put on his clothes. Wont get into the bath coz he wants a shower (but once he's in there he's in there a bit longer!)
Don't get me started on food. All of a sudden "I can't eat that!" "I don't like meat" "It's yucky!" "I don't want that" "I want x"

Eden. There's one 8 month baby who hates sleep. On a good day, she'll have 3, maybe 4 sleeps. The best one will be first thing in the morning. BUT all the other sleeps are max 20 mins. I get nothing done. Normally, she goes to bed at night at 7-7:30pm. Tonight she was in bed just before 7.... and woke at 7:15. Finally got her to go to sleep at 9:10. Then she woke at 9:15. It's crazy.

I'm tired - exhausted some days.
I'm frustrated.
I'm over it.
Some days, it's too much. I wish Andrew could get them both to go to sleep. Sadly, Eden will only go to sleep feeding.

Friday, 25 November 2011

Exam Result

I've been waiting and waiting for this result to come in.

Once my facebook feed started to be flooded with results from my uni friends, I knew my result would be in too. I logged in. There was an announcement. Read your email. I read my email, checking for an email to say that I've got an opportunity to do a supplementary exam (ie: you're so close to passing they give you another chance). No such email.

By now, I'm shaking. I feel like throwing up. I finally find my results page. It says....


OMG. I still feel like throwing up. But yes. I passed! Say hello to 2nd year!

Thursday, 24 November 2011

New PT

I may (or may not, I can never remember) have blogged about signing up for a PT at the gym. I met with him the day he was going on 2 weeks holidays. I met with him coz I go to the gym 5 days a week and nothing's happening.

I've been talking to Andrew about going to his personal trainer. He's just up the road and Andrew's done really well with him (and Andrew's looking good! ;D).

Apparently, Trainer does couple's training. So we're going to do that. However, I have to have a few sessions with just him on my own before the couples one starts.

Today is Thursday. My first session is Wednesday. I'm freaking out already! I'm paranoid and nervous! At least we've already met. Still.

I feel like some of his people that he trains look at me like I'm dirt when I meet Andrew at training. One in particular is skinny (and thus my nickname for her coz I can't remember her name) and gives me that kind of look.

Anyway. I've seen how wrecked Andrew is when he gets home. Wrecked is good, I guess, but I still have Jensen and Eden to take care of.

BUT. I know I will see results. Quickly too, I hope.

Trainer seemed to laugh at the fact I was nervous! To add to the nerves, his workout place is at the little local shops. With floor to ceiling glass windows. That you can see into.

People are going to see me (and probably the neighbours) my fat jumping up and down and doing whatever he's going to make me do.  They're going to think snidly "keep going fatty" while I'm going to be thinking "keep going fatty" motivationally!

Don't motivate, DEDICATE! I want to look fantastic for my 30th (which is a year and bit away folks). Next christmas would be great too! As would this birthday coming!

Is my 5kg by christmas too much of an ask?

365 day photo challenge - day 94

365 day photo challenge - day 94 - November 24, 2011
Look out world!

365 day photo challenge - day 93

365 day photo challenge - day 93 - November 23, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 92

365 day photo challenge - day 92 - November 22, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 91

365 day photo challenge - day 91 - November 21, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 90

365 day photo challenge - day 90 - November 20, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 89

365 day photo challenge - day 89 - November 19, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 87

365 day photo challenge - day 87 - November 17, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 88

365 day photo challenge - day 88 - November 18, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 86

365 day photo challenge - day 86 - November 16, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 85

365 day photo challenge - day 85 - November 15, 2011
stuck with her food outside the cot

365 day photo challenge - day 84

365 day photo challenge - day 84 - November 14, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 83

365 day photo challenge - day 83 - November 13, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 82

365 day photo challenge - day 82 - November 12, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 81

365 day photo challenge - day 81 - November 11, 2011
view from our 4wd on the beach at Stradbroke Island

365 day photo challenge - day 80

365 day photo challenge - day 80 - November 10, 2011
hanging out with her friend - 2 weeks difference!

Itching to be inching

Not only is Eden crawling now, but she can properly pull herself up on furniture. Today, I actually watched her very very slowly inch along the couch! Slow down baby!

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Just secretly...

Just secretly, I went to pick Andrew up from his PT session on Wednesday and I couldn't watch! Totally not in a bad way! More like a school girl, watching her crush and getting all giddy! Quick! Don't let him catch you watching him! :) hehehe all giddy all over again! hehehe

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Me and You, we've got a lot of work to do!

Housework! You either love it or hate it. Perhaps you even do it for a living!

All through-out my childhood right up to when I moved in with my then boyfriend (now husband), I was a neat freak. Everything had a place. The husband, however, just has stuff everywhere. As much as I try and try, I can no longer keep my house clean. Since having children - and remember, I only have 2 - it's all seemed to quadrupled. 

  • There is a never ending stack of washing. I love washing. I love sorting into piles, washing, hanging out. I don't like bringing it back in, or folding or putting away. 
  • I love vacuuming my floors - both carpet and tiles (it's easier to vacuum the tiles rather than sweep). I like hearing the vacuum suck things up coz it means it's working (but that my floor was filthy)
  • We are a cloth nappy house. I love folding the nappies. Not so much putting it away though. 
  • Dishes. I hate doing the dishes. I'm not the only one who eats off plates and drinks from cups (I prefer a drink bottle)... and seriously people. You do not need 5 cups over the course of a day just to drink water. It's water! The taste isn't going to taint the next glass.
  • Linen. My mattress is heavy! I'm not to concerned with fitting the fitted sheet. But out of every little tiny piece of housework - this next bit is my absolute pet hate. I will do almost anything to get out of doing this....        Putting the blanket into the quilt cover. It never works for me. It ends up manky and with lumps and bumps in it.
I plod through my housework. It may not happen all at once, and when visitors come around - which is rare - I just hide the piles of folding! If I have enough notice, the dishes get done really quick or hidden in the dishwasher (which I have to unstack first!). If I had time after the kids went to bed (and not be completely knackered!), all the housework would get done! I'd love a house where I didn't go into a room and see more of my time evaporate into housework.

But I digress.

So, now....

I have the opportunity to share a competition with you! My lovely new friends at Sabco Austrlia have sent me a "Break Up Kit" that you have a chance to win!

It contains: 

  • a Nail Brush
  • Lint Buddy 
  • Soft Grip Window Squeegee
  • Microfingers Duster
  • Radial Dish Brush with Antibacterial Action
  • Iron Scrub (not for your iron - as I thought!)
  • Pledge Delicate Surface Microfiber Cloth
  • Mr Muscle 2 in 1 Kitchen & Dish Sponge
and mine also contained 3 Ferrero Rochers.... But will they make it til after tea time? ;)


All you have to do is :

  1. Follow me on Google Friend Connect, 
  2. Leave a blog post answering this question: What's your least favourite housework activity?  head over to facebook and 
  3. Like Sabco Australia on Facebook (by clicking here and go to the tab : "Clean Up Your Life" for some reason it just wont link directly for me!) and fill in the details! Winners will be chosen by Sabco on Friday November 27 based on creativity and interest. 


Last night, Andrew sprayed a big spider (I'm not being girly, it was a big spider! We breed 'em big in my house!) and it ran under my bed. It disappeared. Tonight a big spider made a run for under my bed. Must have been attempt #2 for the spider. Andrew ushered it outside for me - without killing it, at my request.

I've just been down to check on the kids. I then went into the ensuite, looked up an saw ... Another big spider. All I can think was this spider in the ensuite was last nights spider. I know spiders are quick, but surely not that fast (or in a hurry) to get back inside my house.

So I've rolled up a towel and jammed it under the doorway. I'll be using the kids bathroom tonight!

Monday, 21 November 2011

The Dirt Hills

The BMX track, or The Dirt Hills as named by Jensen probably purely on aesthetic views is where we spend most afternoons, for about an hour. Saturday, Andrew was actually home and joined us on our daily walk/ride. He encouraged Jensen to go faster over the littler bumps (or whatever they're called in the bmx world). After watching Andrew on his bike, Jensen decided he wanted a go riding down one of the bigger hills (there are bumps, small, medium and large ones), a small one. He did it. He loved it. I got video!

Today though, he decided a medium hill might take his fancy. I pushed his bike up there (it's a bike with trainer wheels / stabilisers). He actually got on it and off he went. I baulked the other day at the small hill he started on on Saturday! This was a bigger hill altogether! At least twice the size! Down he went and at the bottom, it goes straight into a little hill, which flows onto another little hill (the one from the other day). He made it halfway up that one and rolled back. Only got frightened when he rolled back! I think the only reason he rolled back anyway was because the hill is gauged out and even I had trouble getting up there the other day. Jensen rode down it twice more! I got film of the 2nd attempt!

So brave!!

Love him!

Cluck Cluck

Yep. I bet you can hear that cluck noise too. It's so loud coming from inside me. I'm ever so clucky. Well. Maybe not clucky, but I still feel a yearning. That's not the right word either, but it's the best I can come up with.

I miss the feeling of a baby growing inside me. I miss people actually talking to me (even if it is about the pregnancy), I miss the kicks.  I remember when I was pregnant with Eden, the contractions I had, the feeling I had, the "OMG this is happening, but shhhh better not wake Andrew, he'll need his sleep for tomorrow" feeling. The tomorrow was the day she arrived. Andrew was totally useless in the delivery room, but that's ok. I remember being in the shower during a contraction and thinking "This isn't too bad. I can do this!", then having another contraction hit and thinking "what the hell have I gotten myself in for!" I remember clearly the excited look on Jensen's face (just before Nanna arrived to look after him), when he witnessed a contraction and we told him the baby was on it's way.

I actually miss those things. Pain and all. I think I want to do it again.

I don't know how I'd actually go with more than 2 children. I've always only wanted 2. Since having Eden, that may have changed. Andrew does not want anymore though, so I may just resign myself.

These feelings seem to pop up when I'm at the shops and I see a pregnant lady. Dear pregnant lady, I'm jealous. Or a newborn in a pram, or being held close by a baby carrier. Or - randomly - when I'm at the gym in the middle of a class. Who would have thought!  But it's a class like BodyBalance (where I experience these feelings the most) or Zumba that these thoughts emerge. BodyBalance, because of the stretching and body positions you put yourself in, breathe through the stretch. Zumba there's all these weird moves (some that should be left to the bedroom!), like the ones that you seem to open your pelvis. I only ever think, "This would be great position etc for labour!" or "Why didn't I do this before pregnancy! Would have made for a better labour!".

The reason I brought this up is there are a lot of pregnant women around me at the moment. My cousin, 2 of Andrew's cousins, a friend has just had a baby, another one due in January. They're everywhere! It's like a slap to the face, then hearing "You'll never experience it all again! haha " :'(

I saw my cousin this week, and she looks fantastic. I did have to hold back from asking heaps of questions. I am jealous. I held back from saying that too.

With Christmas coming, we'll see her more often, and we'll see the other 2 cousins and the friend due January. I don't know how I'm going to cope emotionally. It's already been decided for me that that part of my life is over.

HOW do I get through this!?

Sunday, 20 November 2011

Scary at the Shops

I had the scariest moment at the shops on Tuesday. 

We had to go to the shop before heading to the gym. When we go to the supermarket, my son runs straight for the carrots, grabs one and eats it as we go around. Naughty, I know, but it keeps him quiet! He's happy.

We'd done the rounds, started at the self checkout. On a normal day, he goes out the entrance, and meets me at the other side of the checkout. 

This time, I saw him go out - and that was it. I called out, and nothing. I thought he was just hiding. Called out again. Still nothing. I started to panic. People heard me start to call out, and asked me what he was wearing. I told them and some person said he had started to walk up towards Kmart. I left the baby with the checkout chick (thankfully, it wasn't busy at the supermarket). I went to the main 'path' of the shopping centre to see if I could see him, and nope.  I thought there's no way that he'd have gone that far on his own. 

The centre management people  just happened to be walking towards me and got their walkie talkies happening, alerting security guards. 

Panic had set in. I described what he was wearing and his name. One centre management lady headed back into the supermarket, one walked with me to Kmart. On our way back down, my tears started. All I could think was he'd wandered off and someone had stolen him and I'd never  see him again.

We got back down to the supermarket and over the walkie talkie I hear that he's been found.  The other lady and the security guard had found him - in the supermarket, were walking him back to me. He had a great big grin on his face. The "Oh good, I've found you!" smile not a "haha I ran away" smile. He had no idea what had happened.

Turns out, he'd gone back into the supermarket..... for another carrot.

Monday, 14 November 2011

Thursday 10th Nov 2011

An exam (which I hope to High Heaven that I passed)
Camping weekend away
Eden CRAWLED!! about 2 hours before my exam. So proud! 7 months, 3 weeks and 2 days! Earlier starter than her brother! He was almost 9 months.

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Dear Son

Dear Jensen.
I tell you every day that I love you, and you say you love me right back. But are you aware just how much I am proud of you? I love you more than just the words 'I love you'.  I am so proud of who you are, who you're becoming and will be and what you can do. You are a fantastic son and make me smile every day. You have crazy funny things to say, and the way you say the most ordinary sentence is amusing! You are the most perfect big brother! You have surprised me (and still do!) with just how well you and your baby sister get along. I was not expecting such patience from you! You are brave and try new things - things I never thought you'd want to try. You push the boundaries (and my patience!) but teach us both something new. 
Today, you proved to me something I didn't think you would do (or want to do) - a few times! At the 'dirt hills' (bmx track), you wanted to ride your bike over little hills with your bike - something you were afraid to do yesterday and the day before! I have filmed you, to show you how well you did! We also went for a walk - Eden and I with you on your bike (with trainer wheels). We walked from our house to the main road, up a hill to the shops. You rode ALL THE WAY! Even up the hill! I was expecting a complaint, a whinge, a sook or cry. There was nothing but laughing and giggles and YOU DID IT! Then you rode all the way home! 

I am going to try to keep up with you now! I am meant to teach you, yet we seem to be teaching each other!

I say this many times. I LOVE YOU. Thank you for being a big special part in my life.

365 day photo challenge - day 79

365 day photo challenge - day 79 - November 09, 2011
Remember the old kitchen cupboard door? Here it is in it's chalkboard glory!

I was so giddy when this actually worked out! WOO!

365 day photo challenge - day 78

365 day photo challenge - day 78 - November 08, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 77

365 day photo challenge - day 77 - November 07, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 76

365 day photo challenge - day 76 - November 06, 2011
old kitchen cupboard door on it's way to becoming a chalkboard!

365 day photo challenge - day 75

365 day photo challenge - day 75 - November 05, 2011
In this picture - 2 bikes, a trike, a three wheel scooter and three 2 wheel scooters.... for one 4 year old.

365 day photo challenge - day 74

365 day photo challenge - day 74 - November 04, 2011

back to business

Just thought I'd share...
My body decided to get back to business now. Today. 7 months, 3 weeks after my daughter entered the world!

We go camping - remote camping - this weekend. This is going to be interesting...

Sunday, 6 November 2011

Today !

Clean lounge room, kitchen, dining room. Yard mowed. 3 chalkboards painted. Nappies and clothes folded and put away. Kids in bed early. I feel good! :D

After my exam, and when come back from camping - the bedrooms are getting a wicked makeover and getting stuff ready for a garage sale!

Saturday, 5 November 2011

Things I loved today

Things I loved today....
I love getting up to Eden at 5am for a feed. It's just her and me, with the day breaking outside her window. It's as clear as day (obviously), and it's quiet.
I love the time I spent with my kids this morning (when I KNOW I NEED to be studying).  We went to the tip shop, bought some stuff to make a home made chalk board, Jensen a (well, 2!) scooters that he and Andrew can fix up.
We went to Bunnings, Jensen's favourite store. It's big. It's green. It's got a playground and on weekends - a sausage sizzle!  They had kids DIY today and it was paint a garden pot. We painted one for him and one for Eden.
My mum came with my neice and nephew to visit. I spent half the time yelling "share" and "behave" (mainly to Jensen). Was nice when they all played well though :)
Jensen, Eden and I went to a 1st birthday party at the local pool. Jensen got in and was happy to sit in there by himself. He had squat down and had the water over his shoulders. I was so proud. (big moment after that almost drowning...)
Andrew, Jensen, Eden and I went to the local sports ground. There were fellas playing cricket, and a bmx park so Jensen and Andrew could have a go on that. I pushed Eden in her pram.  They rode their bikes.
We kept going and went to the park where Andrew (sorta) played with Jensen.
They rode home, together, just the two of them. Jensen would have loved that!
Andrew and I cooked dinner together. This rarely happens.   I'll post the recipe tomorrow.
While I breastfed Eden to sleep (great, just in itself!), I listened to Andrew read to Jensen and them interact. 

I wonder what awesome things tomorrow has in store  xx

Friday, 4 November 2011

My woe is me seems to be over! I don't know quite what happened but I seem to be over it! Must have all just gotten on top of me!

Since going for a wall each mor ing with the kids, things seem to be better! :D
In love with doing nothing but playing with the kids!

Thursday, 3 November 2011


I had my start up PT session today. I've weighed in, been measured (felt humiliated but if the trainer felt embarrassed or grossed out, he didn't show it), been shown how to do some exercises to keep me going, coz as it happens, I've signed up just before he goes on 2 weeks leave! Must stay strong!

365 day photo challenge - day 75

65 day photo challenge - day 73 - November 03, 2011
Lego man mechanic working on a car on the hoist.
Apparently - as Jensen tells me - this mechanic doesn't work on a Friday or a Tuesday...

365 day photo challenge - day 74

365 day photo challenge - day 74 - November 02, 2011
picnic with the cat

365 day photo challenge - day 73

365 day photo challenge - day 73 - November 01, 2011
A bubble at gymnastics. PJ is there for the Teddy Bear's Picnic!

365 day photo challenge - day 72

365 day photo challenge - day 72 - October 31, 2011
ready to trick or treat again - at Nanna's this time!

365 day photo challenge - day 71

365 day photo challenge - day 71 - October 30, 2011
Our street's halloween. Two pirates and a ballerina

365 day photo challenge - day 70

365 day photo challenge - day 70 - October 29, 2011

365 day photo challenge - day 69

365 day photo challenge - day 69 - October 28, 2011
setting up our campsite

In love with doing nothing but playing with the kids!

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

How do I know? (woe is me petty rant ahead!)

How do I know I'm depressed? Does just writing this qualify? I hate who I am - overweight, unattractive (apparently not to a lesbian, but that's not my thing)- unappreciated house slave. I'm forever picking up after Jensen, Eden and Andrew. It seems it's up to me to keep things tidy, which I can't coz there's always that next spot I have to clean before I can do the next next spot and then go back to it. I have to study, an Exam on the 10th. Andrew has the kids while I sit the exam, but I wanted to go to uni to study by myself in quiet before the exam - which would leave him with the kids for 5 hours. He won't do that. 5 hours is too long. So not only do I have to study, exam, I have to somehow look after them as well.
Jensen's started to backchat and yell when he has to do something he doesn't want to. Or cry. Crying is new. Makes me feel even more like the worlds worst mother coz I made my kid cry or sent him to his room to come back in a good mood. I feel bad when I feel like he's not participating at swimming or gymnastics at 100% and all I think is I'm just sitting there wasting money.
I feel bad coz I have no time got them coz there's just do much to clean. Then if I leave it and play with them, I feel bad coz my house is one giant mess.
I feel bad coz I have a gym membership but everytime I take my kids, they get sick, so then I can only go when Andrews home, and then there's. I classed on and I don't have the motivation to push myself as hard ad I need to outside a class. Then u feel bad coz I dumped my kids in the gym crèche ay all and made them sick. Gym membership money being wasted. But Andrew goes to the gym guilt free coz I look after the kids.

There is so much more. I feel invisible to everyone. Just typing this I hold back tears. I'm just not worthy to anyone. They wouldnt miss me until there were no more clean clothes, food, nappies, dishes. Someone to run meds or lunch up to them at work on a day where I have already said "I don't want to go anywhere today". Someone to pack all the camping gear while everyone else watches tv. To be made of money on maternity leave, but being forced to go back to work purely for more money which will go into daycare fees just so I can go to work. Work, uni, study, housekeep, raise children. I'm sure other people do it, but either I can't or I'm just not ready or able to yet. I feel so small, I significant and unnoticed. - used.

However... I do feel done sort of calm and peace when I'm comforting one of my children. Gives me some sort of hope that I actually have a real purpose...
Apparently, the work experience girl at Andrew's work thinks I'm hot... Not quite sure how to take that! :) flattering I guess!

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

And November begins

Today was supposed to mark the beginning of my no-sugar November. Instead, I ate a whole heap of chocolate, raided from my son's trick or treat haul. I promise you, and me, that it begins at midnight tonight. It's on again (previously sugarless September) coz I somehow (well, I know how!) put back on 1.7kg of the 2kg I lost through September. Also, booked a PT. yep. I'm quietly shite-ing myself. But my gym visits do squat (btw, I secretly have a love hate relationship with squats). There was a pic from camping on the weekend and my legs are massive! Time to do something about it!