a long day, debrief

My kids are alive. They may be sick with the flu, or asthma, but they're alive. But after the day they've given me... they're lucky. That is just a figure of speech, but holy crap. I'm sick with bronchitis at the moment, sore throat, aches, headache and a feeling of blocked inside my head like you've gone up a mountain, or are flying in an aeroplane. Constantly. Since Tuesday. It's Thursday. And from the moment that I felt ill, there seemed to send out some sort of pulse to my children - making them be the most annoying, push me to the brink children that they can be.

Jensen seems to be trying to piss me off at all times. He was sick last week, and now has a cough. He just will not do what I ask, backchats, dawdles, when I say no - it's like challenge for him to do what ever it was I said no to until I give in. I'd like to hold out and be the 'bad guy' by putting my foot down, but I really just do not have the energy. I am mentally and physically exhausted. It's 7:20pm and I'm in bed. Jensen had the biggest tantrum about 20 mins ago about not going to bed and he started screaming and crying (the newest craze in annoying in this house), which woke his sister. I literally dragged him down the hallway by his arm, out the front door and sat him in the pram that was outside. By the time we were outside, I had calmed down (the dark seems to do that for me, the wind through the trees and the temperature was also quite calming), and spoke to him quietly to calm down and take a deep breath and stop crying. I had explained, numerous times since Tuesday, that mummy is SICK and is not feeling well, and that he had to behave. Apparently, none of that sinks in. Anyway, he calmed down, but had woken Eden. He agreed it was bedtime (and then told me he was too tired to walk back inside...), and that he had to appologise to Andrew (as it was for him that the tantrum was thrown). He is currently asleep in our bed, in the hopes that Eden would settle herself back to sleep.

Eden hasn't been much better, but has been giving us grief for the last week. Absolutely rubbish sleep, sleeping for 20 mins, then waking, but no way was she going back to sleep. One night she was awake for TWO HOURS. Coincidently, a day I had to be up 3 hours later for work. That was one long day! We did work out what was causing it - a bottom left molar. Took 4-ish loooong days to come through, but it's finally here! Unfortunately, she is also still getting 2 more molars and 3 more teeth - ALL AT THE SAME TIME RIGHT NOW. Not only has she a runny nose, a horrible horrible cough and sores where there should never be, but she's getting all these teeth. The poor little thing.

I broke today. I called Andrew at lunch time and was almost ready to ask him to come home. I was shouting at Eden to shut up, not only for her incessant whinging, but because it was LOUD in my head. Jensen - well, see above. Just would not do what I asked, tested boundaries etc. (at one pointed, I was tempted to leave them play outside by themselves, but it was too squelchy and the middle of the day, so I'm pleased my common sense got out of bed for that one). I was in tears. I cried. Then Eden cried with me and came up, gave me a hug and patted me on the back. That did make me feel better. I thought she may be tired after her only 30 min nap earlier so I took her down for a feed and a nap. She finally fell asleep after about 20 minutes, but woke when I put her into her cot. Left her there for a bit, but ended up 'rescuing' her. Not long later, Jensen got into trouble for something, so he was put on his bed. He finally was allowed to get off his bed, and asked to do some craft (well, he called it collage). We sat down to do that, and besides annoying me by asking to do the glue (which was NO coz he'd squeeze it everywhere) we had quiet, calm fun for 30-40 mins. Even Eden got in on it. She enjoyed painting and drawing, and I'm thinking we'll have to do this again tomorrow. Better planned though. Just can't leave Eden with pencils, she thinks the walls are a canvas.

Andrew has finally taken Jensen to bed, it's 7:40. Eden put herself back to sleep and didn't wake when Jensen was put to bed, so it's now good night from me. Thanks for listening to my debrief, Don't judge me. My kids may have been yelled at today and cried and carried on (and not smaked! Coz really where does that get anyone?), but they were fed, clothed, and most of all, loved.  Now I'm in tears thinking of how today could have been managed better. Dragging them to the dr, 40 mins away, tomorrow, and have promised if they're good, they can go to the park.... Wish me luck.