Long story short.
Eden is very clingy. Wont let me out of her sight. Prefers to be outside than inside. Sleeps for perhaps 40-50 in total for the day. I get nothing done.
Jensen has been totally out of character. He has started to punch and be completely over-the-top rough. The other night, he was asked to go and get Eden for her bath. This was on the day that Eden fell head first into the door. He went and PUNCHED her in the face, on the other side thankfully, but still. He punched her. In the face. Then, we had a playdate at Jensen's kindy friends' place and he didn't want to leave. I had spoken to him about how he was to conduct himself when we were to leave. He did not behave. He threw himself at the ground. When I tried to lift him up, he punched me in the face, knocking my glasses to the ground, kicked at me, grabbed my throat and tried to choke me. I was completely disgusted and embarrassed at his behaviour. I threw him into the car, onto the seat that's beside his carseat. He wouldn't get in that, tried to throw himself out of the car. I picked him back up and threw him into his carseat. (and when I say throw, I didn't hurt him). I don't know how I'm going to look at his friends mother tomorrow at Kindy. I dare say we wont be invited back.
I passed 1st semester at uni. Probably scraped through by the skin of my teeth, but I passed. But this semester there are 4 weeks of prac. And hard work by the sounds of things. I'm scared out of my mind. I honestly don't know if I can do this, either full time or part time. I know Andrew just wont understand. I do know I need to see someone about what action I should take. Full time or part time. I need to be with my kids while they are little.... I want to go part time, but for some reason there's a part of me that needs to do this full time. I just don't know.
We're moving at the end of the year, I think it's putting pressure on me and I think Jensen too, perhaps that's the reason he's acting out like he is.
I am also teary right now. My baby boy starts prep next year.
Hugs darl. That sounds frustrating. Ava (miss 4) can tend to be like Jensen a bit. Not to the extent of the choking, but she can lash out and its so frustrating. Maybe part of you is needing to do Uni full time because that's the part of you that even though she loves her kids, wants to do something for her! Sometimes I really struggle with just 'solely' being a mum, ya know? Like when people ask me what I do sometimes I'd like to say more than just 'a mum' I think for me its the internal struggle of what I want to be and what I am. Ava starts prep next year too, on the one hand I am teary, but on the other hand I think it will be really good for her and for me.
ReplyDeleteRe; the kindy mum. I wouldn't stress about it, I am sure the majority of mums out there have had those days. And if she does have a problem with it and treats you differently then she's just a stuck up bitch anyway LOL Hope today is a much better day