Daycare

hi!
Currently, J is in family daycare 3 days a week. Monday 7-4, Wednesday 7-6, Thursday 7-6. He is only there that late because I work evenings (230pm-10pm) every Thursday and every 2nd Wednesday, as well as one weekend 7am-2pm a fortnight,  and Andrew doesn't get home til just before 6.


I am currently a first year uni student. I worked my first semester uni timetable around my work roster (it's the same every fortnight). 


However, second semester I tried for the same sort of timetable. I am still there on a Monday, Wednesday mornings, every 2nd Thursday morning... but now, 2 hours every Friday. 12-2


At least 12-2 should be nap time. 


I have realized that I did not study enough during my first semester (however, I did pass everything!) and have told Andrew that I need to study more - put more effort into it.


The daycare lady is very keen for J to come full time (so, now Tuesdays and Fridays as well). She has her reasons...


Don't get me wrong, J loves it there. She's a fantastic daycarer. She lives in our street -just 4 doors up! Her son is almost my sons age.


However, currently being on uni holidays, and sending J to care, it's hard for me to be doing whatever I'm doing at home and knowing they're walking past, or at the playground or doing something that I should be doing with him. I'd like to see my son on Tuesdays. I'd like to spend sometime with him. I keep saying I didn't have a child to have someone else care for him.


I'm aware that other parents must struggle with the same thing, when they go to work.


My sister and Andrew both say to put him in full time. Andrew says to use Tuesdays as my day to study, my sister suggests to use it for a "me" day.


I am torn. I totally understand where they are coming from. But during study week, a teaching week with no classes so you can purely study, I did everything but. My house was the cleanest I have seen it, and there was food in the fridge coz I made something out of all the random ingredients I had.


I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm rejecting him. Like I don't want to look after him, so you know what? Why not stick him in daycare?


I'm just so confused and frustrated and a little sad that both suggest it. I can study after hours when ds goes to bed maybe? I just don't know.


What do you do? Any suggestions? (btw - thanks for hangin' in there to read this   :clap:    )