scone on a mission

I am at a complete loss on how to deal with E. Regardless of what time of day it is, she is an absolute handful. I would one day absolutely love to give her (and J) another little sibling. When putting E to bed, that's when my resolve is tested. It should not take 2 hours to put a two year old to bed. :(

I feel as it I'm failing as a parent, as a mum. I can't do anything right. She wants Nanna. Never mummy. Yesterday J told me I yell too much. I tried hard today, never yelled. We all painted, I took photos. They tubbed in the laundry tub. We went to the library. We had tuna egg boats for lunch (and cheesy ham toastie). I was told again that I've changed. Still in a bad way. When I left for work just now, they were in my bed, with Nanna on my couch, watching Inspector Gadget. I would have preferred no tv, but I don't want to be told I'm not a fun mum anymore.

I'm struggling with this course at Uni, the thought to throw it all in has crossed my mind more than once. Then I think that's 3 years I've missed of my children's life for nothing, so I don't.