Something is wrong. Desperately wrong. For the last 4 days (well, there abouts, all the days feel like they're running together), I've not been sleeping well. The other night I was up until 4 am, THEN my sleeping my meds kicked in.

It's like they're not working. It used to be 10-20 min max and that's it, lights out for me.

Now I'm up for hours after taking them.

It's changing my behaviour. I'm so freaking ANGRY. 

Tonight I let loose at my 2year old. I screamed at her. I mean screamed. Disturbingly scary even for myself to hear it. Almost like I couldn't stop it, just listen on the screaming coming from me.

All I wanted was for her to lie down on her movie night mat while I bushed my teeth and took my meds. 

I has already had a melt down in the afternoon. I was trying to talk about Christmas presents,  d the kids just would-not-stop talking. It was overwhelming and too much and I had to remove myself and cry alone. I had to tell J no not now as I shut the door, which distressed him and he went to cry.

Matthew Reilly

I love Matthew Reilly books.

I first became aware of Matthew's work from a live Brisbane taping of Good News Week (way way back in 1999! Somewhere, maybe, I still have a recording of it on VCR tape...).  At the time, I think he was promoting Ice Station. I went to my local library and borrowed it out ( after a wait, of course, it became hugely popular after that show's taping and airing). I read it. I couldn't put it down!

BEST book I'd read in a long time. I actually went and bought it!

I now own all his books, albeit with different front covers.

It's like an action movie in a book, but the production budget for a movie like that would just be phenomenal.

The newest latest book to come out is Tournament, which I bought for Andrew for his birthday. Funnily enough, Mr Reilly was in town for book signings! So Andrew and I went with Tournament and my two copies of Ice Station (I lent my original to Dad. A pipe exploded at his place it got wet. He bought another to replace it, but it too got wet from the offending pipe...) and my copy of Hell Island  to be signed :) Shame I couldn't take them all. He signed the 2nd copy with my name, and even mentioned that the first copy was a 1999 edition!

I was so giddy for about an hour afterwards. I get giddy just reminiscing!

Totally starstruck

personalised signed copy of my 2nd copy of Ice Station

Fool me once, shame on you

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Yep. You'd think I'd have learned to use a professional photographer. Apparently not.

Wedding photos. Average.
J's first christmas. Average.
both kids first birthday were done by PixiFoto (when they were still open). Good.
Family photo while pregnant with miss E - professional - awesome
Baby photos of miss E - professional (same photographer) - awesome
(we have ones of J, too, done by pixifoto)
Family photos taken this weekend just gone by a friend... Average. Some are good, some are not, some are good but blurry.

When will I ever learn?!?!

The best family photo we have.... You can't even see our faces, only the kids

learning to crochet

I will master it one day!!

I'm trying to make a granny square blanket, but it'll be completed by the time E is a granny at this rate. Here is my progress :

with LOTS of help from my mother in law, my first granny square!

All on my own. It's not even square! :(

Love is blind

Just between you and me....

So. Andrew has this friend. That has an opiate drug prescribed to him. When Andrew visits, before he leaves, I always ask him not to do anything stupid. To him, this means drugs (which he did in his past...) To me, this means ANYTHING stupid.

He has, recently, in the last few months, come home from said friend with drugs of some description in his system. And you can tell. It's totally obvious. He's off his tree, doped out and looks like he's high. He falls alseep. He can't concentrate. He just sleeps. all the time.

As we live with his parents, they've seen it all before, so they know. They're not stupid. But you know, love is blind, and I must just not see it for what it is.

My husband is a drug user.

It may not be chronic, constant or jones-ing (that's a word, yeah?) for a hit, but he uses. And it may not be an illegal drug that he uses, but it's not prescribed to him.

So he takes this 'drug' with his friend (and they may or may not be 'smoking' together too), plus he's on his own psych medications and now cold and flu tablets (which we are assuming is for hayfever). but man, if F's him up.

A few months ago, it was really bad. I was ready to ask him to leave. Twice. But we live with his parents, so it's not really my place to kick him out from.

But yesterday I learned that his father is ready to kick him out, for the same reason. I also learned that while we were renting, A would come to his father and ask him to pay the rent. Whether or not the rent was being paid by his father, or A was paying the rent and using the borrowed money for something else is another thing.

I have so many questions, very little answers and no idea what to do about any of it, or where to start...

The kids bedrooms!

Miss E's princess room

Master J's room

The book nook. I totally want one for myself

Individual bedrooms

This morning we decided to see if J could get ready for school before 8am. He did! So we had some free play with Lego and were chatting with Nanna while we did....

SOMEHOW, and I have no recollection of how, we got onto 'today we will change the kids into their own rooms'.

I have absolutely no idea how we got to that topic, or how it was agreed on.

But it happened.

However, there is stuff everywhere in the living room.

Don't forget, we live with my inlaws, so there is our stuff and their stuff to be relocated and organised.

So there is a beautiful princess room for E, and J's room will be completed tomorrow (because I had to work tonight). Both are extremely excited.

BUT. I got verbally abused by Andrew when I got home for not telling him that we were giving the kids their own room. Even when I rang earlier (while still at work) you could hear in the back ground "I told you, I don't want to speak to her".

He's drunk, he's got red blood shot eyes, but I finally got from him that I didnt tell him that it was happening, that the living room was 'trashed, when he got home no one could tell hom what was going on (which is rubbish because his mum was home and helped me 'trash' it. He was the most upset that he "had" to eat dinner on the kitchen floor, AND there was no dinner so he had to go buy it.

wow,
I worked my arse off to do as much as I could in the little amount of time I had between dropping J to school and E to little school.

I worked HARD. I stopped at 1:30 so I could eat and get ready for work to leave at 3 for my 3:30-9pm shift at work.

I had even rung him to whinge how much my back hurt and try and get him to tell me to call in to work. His response? "well, you knew you had to work this afternoon before you started to clean the house, Its your own fault. Go to work". so i did.

So the shock rudeness I go when I got home that I didn't tell him was a but much. S now I'm lying on the couch ub J's room (because it hasn't been moved out yet) while J snores and the little princess woke and sits on my lap. We're all now camping in J's room because the utter rudeness and unwillingness to listen to me was too much.

Mental health

So...

A while back I mentioned I thought I was depressed. Turns out I was, and was put on antidepressants. Then I felt better, and stopped taking them.  I had to go back to the dr for a review, and just listening to me, he decided to send me for a psych review as he thought I may have bipolar disorder, dysthymia or adult ADHD. Wonderful.

I took Andrew along with me coz I was nervous, and he could be my collateral and say what I couldn't and what I may have missed saying (or didn't say).

I did throw him a little as he was not aware that I was thinking of harming myself. Not in a suicidal way, just in a 'if I hurt myself, maybe all the stress and anxiety bullshit I'm dealing with will seem less crushing' . It makes totally more sense in my head and words just do not describe the thoughts that go through one's head when thinking about deliberate self harm. That's as best as I can get it.

My sister airs all her (and childrens) health conditions on facebook, but I just can not seem to share mine, with anyone... Outside of Andrew, his mother and one friend of mine, I have told no one my diagnosis.

I have Bipolar Disorder II.

As far as I'm aware, it's very similar to Bipolar Disorder I but the manic and the depressive episodes are less severe in Bipolar II.

I have been put on medication (my absolute least favourite option - I even dislike taking paracetemol). At my follow up appointment this week, I have marked improvement - which is a great thing. The psych was surprised, but I'm not sure if he's surprised that I improved, or that he got it right the first time.

However, I do very much miss my manic phase. I NEED to be busy. My mind races a million miles an hour about little things like what I have to do, but it whirls and I end up running (in my head) through the order in which I do things. Then when I get around to doing things, I get side tracked and end up doing other things as well as the stuff I had to do in the first place.

BUT, I like order. And neatness. Peace and calm. Everything must line up and be just so. My pillow cases need to have the openings facing the middle on each side (so each opening faces the middle), the pegs must match. Photos must be straight or hung in-the-exact-middle of the wall... amongst other things.

Apparently this puts me in a whole other box of fun with the psych. Not looking forward to the next appointment...

Titanic

Jensen: "We were watching Titanic last night, and it was eliminated by an ice planet."

Bye bye batman

Today, J took batman to school. When I picked him up, he told me that "something sad" happened to batman. When his friend C came over, in tears, to apologise to him. Friend T apologised to. From what I understand, J discovered batman was missing. Apparently T had gone to get it from C, there was a tug-o-war and poor batman lost.

J was not phased when I picked him up. When C apologised, he hugged him. I got down to his level and smiled and told him I wasn't cranky, J wasn't cranky. It was ok, it's just a toy. To be honest, J was bragging about his sticker that he got. T apologised, too, and J hugged him too. I think the mothers were surprised with our attitude towards it all! 

Personally, I think he's just getting

It's been a while, and I will catch up.

For now:: 

Yesterday, Andrew said J was overweight... Basically to his face. 

Personally, I think he's just gearing up for a growth spurt...

05/09/2013

I do need to do a proper catch up (Again...)

however, I'll just quickly say some things.

I've been dealing with:

a 5 year old who is discovering that he is individual, different and independent young person. He turned 6 last month (SIX!! Where did that time go?!?!) He's like a tween. Not a not quite kid-not quite teenager... He's not quite a little kid-not quite big kid kind of tween. And it shows. There's more attitude, door slamming, yelling, back chatting - all sorts of fun. But then there's the grown up part of him that makes me so proud to be his mother. He seems to understand things. More than a 6 year old should. Life things, really.  Then again, he's all sorts of clever, but can then totally not get a simple concept.  Makes life interesting.

A 2 year old.  Says it all, really, doesn't it. On the one hand, it's to be expected. She's 2. On the other hand, she's a TOTALLY different 2 year old to what J was. He was quite and easily calmed (and pretty much still is), and E is just go go go, not even stopping to drop from exhaustion. She has started to become more understandable by outsiders, speaks really well (and I've been asked independently by several people if she's 3 and not 2...) I don't really remember much of J being 2, but E can count to 13, knows some of the alphabet, can recognise 1 or 2 letters when shown. We've recently been learning some sign language colours and words at the library and she's picked them up really easily. However, she's had to go into daycare for 2 weeks recently and since then she's become a screaming mess. She was sick with a bug going round by the end of it. Pretty much since then she's had separation anxiety, bad. She's screaming, whinging, crying, "pick me up" on me all the time. She will push past her tired limit *just* to spend more time with me. Eventually, she drops or  she asks to go to bed (but only during the day). It is exhausting. On a heaps more positive note, E toilet trained within 2 weeks. She started just before she started at daycare (because I had 2 weeks of prac). By the end of the fortnight, she was mostly accident free. Last week, just one accident (and it wasn't when we were out in the car ALL day for fathers day). This week, all of a sudden, she knows she needs to poo. So, pretty much, we can ditch the day time nappies. Just the night time to go now! I'm so proud of  her. She's pretty much done it all by herself. One day, she just woke up and seemed to know what to do. So proud!

A husband going through a mental health crisis. Months now, really, since before I started my own anti-depressants. He's been seeing someone for it, and then we could both see it wasn't working. Then he decided to stop all the meds the psych put him on, which screwed him around, but actually made him better. Now he's on some other medication and is doing quite well. He seems to back to 'normal'. It was hard to help him through all that. The ups, downs, nothings, everything all at once, the yelling, the say absolutely nothing...

Potty success!

Eden told me today that she needed to do a wee. She's been saying this for a few days now, so I  humoured her and sat her on the potty, and she did a wee! OMG! Later she told me she needed to poo, which normally means that she's already done one, but nope, she sat on that potty and did one! She later told me she needed to wee again, but had an accident instead... It's like she woke up this morning knowing what her body needed to do! She reckons can do it again tomorrow, will have to be seen to be believed!

A catch up in photos from 10 June to 20 June

At my mum's place, jumping in muddy puddles!

holy moly! Look how long her hair is!

Earning pocket money! 20c for this job!

Pick your battles! To get her to sleep,
E wanted to sleep on the floor, at the bookshelf, under her teddy rug.

My baby had a tongue full of cold sores! Lasted a week.
She was in so much pain.

My babies at my cousin's engagement party

So happy together, even early in the morning!

J's imagination made him a tent/tunnel out of a foldable clothesline and some towels!

E found a skateboard. And tried to use it properly. I can see broken arms in our future!

Fire!

A bit of excitement here yesterday.

J wanted to be at school early, but it was a good decision not to leave so early. We were sitting on the couch, doing some sight words, when I said to him that I could smell smoke. I looked around, but there was nothing. I just assumed that it was coming from a neighbours place. We continued with the sight words and I could smell it stronger. I looked around again, and out in the pool area was plumes of smoke!

I managed to keep the kids inside (they could see everything!) and called Andrew's parents saying "IT'S ON FIRE!"

They told me to turn the electric switch off (and there's one next to the pool pump) and I repeated "IT'S ON FIRE" coz I felt like they didn't get it. I didn't call them because I wanted them to come and rescue us, I called them to let them know.

I flicked the switch for the pool, but it flicked back to on. I flicked it off again, and it went straight back on. So I flipped the safety switch (which turned the whole power off).

Then I did something stupid. J called out to me saying "we need a fire extinguisher!"  I called back saying we didn't have one. Turns out we did - two, in fact! - but I didn't know it. The stupid thing I did was hose the fire. Even though I know you don't hose an electrical fire, I did it anyway. My brain seemed to be only able to think about how you put out a oil/grease fire or a wood fire, and not an electrical one.

Apparently I'm lucky to be alive.

medication

This medication is working! I feel so much better! I don't feel anything like I did.  I'm so much calmer in the evening and don't feel gloomy during the day.

Previously, I wrote about the fact I wasn't hungry. Well, it turns out this medication has that effect. It has an appetite suppressant. It is FANTASTIC!! Although I snack, I probably eat one decent meal a day. It's usually between breakfast and lunch, always after school drop off. Normally, some bacon, 2 eggs and a bit of salmon..

So at dinner time, I'm just feeding the kids. Makes for quick clean up.

Andrew's not eating at dinner much either (but he takes what's left over from the kids dinner for lunch), so when I go grocery shopping next week, it's going to be so much cheaper!!

toilet talk #2

Eden woke up again with a dry nappy, and then sat on the toilet and did a wee when we all got up. She was so proud of herself!! Now we just need to be able to keep doing this!

Toilet talk

Eden woke up today, while we're away overnight, sat for a while then told me she wants to do a wee (coz J told her he was going to the toilet). Normally she says stuff like that coz she just wants to do what J is doing. Anyway, J came back and they both went to the toilet. He helped her take her pj's off and nappy off and put her onto the toilet. He told me to come up and look at her. She had a dry nappy, and even done a wee in the toilet. Omg. So proud!

Camping

We have gone away for the night last night. We were supposed to go camping last fortnight for Mother's Day, but the weather was miserable and cold. So the lovely lady rescheduled is for this fortnight (where they normally just cancel with no refund). This fortnight comes and it's raining on and off, even colder and the weather report says "gusty to damaging winds" for our destination. Well. They're right. So Andrew wanted to cancel, but then decided (and persuaded me) to see if we could upgrade to a cabin. We did, even got a cheaper price and our money from the campsite taken off that price. It's a lovely little cabin, in the national park.  It's still cold, very windy, but lm pleased he convinced me not to camp. The kids were sick already, least they won't be getting any sicker. 

The kids, right now, are trying to wake Andrew up. E won't- saying "no, I won't. I'm cooking a cup of tea!"

Medication

So. Medication. I am on medication. I'm not sure if it's making any difference, it is only the end of day 2. Mind you, I was having a good day the day before I started the meds, and yesterday (day 1).

A side effect of the medication is, apparently for the first few days, is nausea. And oh my gosh, they're not wrong. It's worse than being pregnant. See if you can follow this : Instead of the nausea starting in your stomach (eg: feeling queasy), the feeling starts with a gag reflex then with the queasy. So many times I have nearly spewed. It's awkard. And it hits around 1pm. All I need to do is yawn, cough, say certain words and the urge to hurl comes rushing at me. It's nearly 9pm now, and I still feel this way.

Just thinking back now, I think coincidently, I have reduced appetite, too. That'll work in my favour!

The one where I admit it.

I have been procrastinating writing this post.

I am a bitch. To everyone. Andrew, the kids, my in laws. Everyone. Apparently thats why I don't have friends, because I don't tolerate bullshit, I don't like small talk (if it's not an awkward situation, then why ruin it with  mindless chatter? I don't need to know just how much coffee you used, or that you MUST cook with these mushrooms tonight, or what you're watching - I just don't care).  I hate the way people (namely my father-in-law) speaks to my children (and the main point of this entry will be me admitting that I speak worse to them, so that makes me a hypocrite - and I also dislike those people). I'm stressing about money, housework, uni (even though I procrastinate studying), the kids, their school work and their behaviours. I need more sleep than what I'm getting. I need to work more, but hate leaving the kids. I need - NEED - to have my own house. There's nothing wrong with being here with the in-laws, but I feel confined and scrutinised and like I've lost my identity as a person. I just exist.

That's just how I'm feeling. I just exist. I understand children will be children, and just don't listen to their parents, but the hopeless feeling is amplified when they don't listen.  I know they are well behaved children. And I find myself yelling at them. Constantly. Over the most littlest, most trivial things.  I can't help it and I don't know why. And I do it all the time. I have noticed that it is more in the evening.

A few months ago, I was prescribed something to help me deal with E and her tantrums/ screaming/ hyperactivity/ general two-year-old behaviour (J was - and still is - a very calm child. It's all very overwhelming). The sticker says "one three times a day". At the time, I was taking them one as needed. I don't like to medicate unless I have to - me or the kids - but all of a sudden, I have no idea whats going on. I'm angry. all the time. I have horrible thoughts. I have diminished appetite. I have no motivation to do anything (including this post). I cry. A lot. Every day. Right now. I feel stupidly emotional. And numb. Sometimes both at the same time. Like I'm just someone that lives here. I'm no one's mother, daughter-in-law or wife. Just a housemate, one who shares a bed (and on most nights, with 3 bodies!).There's no intimacy. I'm not talking about adult intimacy, just intimacy in general.    J tells me a lot that he loves me, I know E wonders why I cry and I think she thinks it's her fault. And it's not until they're in bed that I realise how shit a parent I've been and I can't take today back. I can't take any of it back. I don't want them to grow up like me, or hating me, remembering when mummy was having an internal meltdown that leaks out in the form of anger.  I know everything I want, but nothing all at the same time. Every thing seems so far away. I'm never going to get anywhere. The deposit for a house. A house. My nursing degree. It all seems so unattainable.


I think I'm ready to admit it. I have made an appointment to confirm it on Monday night.

I think I have depression.

Which makes the whole thing even more depressing (for lack of a better word). I feel like I have failed. What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? I don't want to end up like my dad. He's just one crazy mess. I've fucking inherited mental illness.

Unexpected conversation

Took J to bed tonight, just like every other night. The moment his head hit the pillow, however, he started bawling,  saying he didn't want to die, that when he dies, he doesn't want to leave this house. It was so disturbing and upsetting to see him like that. He couldn't tell me how or where the idea came to him. I had a little chat to him, as did Andrew and Nanna and Pop. It took an hour to calm him down. He's calm now, and asleep, but I dare say that he'll be in in the middle of the night. He has asked raisin toast for breakfast. I said that I didn't have any, so I'd run up to the bakery tomorrow and grab some before he woke up, so he can have breakfast in bed. He sat straight up, and told me "Don't run up there - walk. I don't want you to waste petrol just to get some raisin bread from the shop".

Oh, my baby's brain is working overtime for someone so young.

Jensen told us tonight that he had to go to such-and-such a person's office today at school. He couldn't rmemeber her name, but she was the under-principal (the deputy-principal). In absolute horror, my mother in law and I asked why he was there. "I had to go there to see her, and show her my good work!"

My gosh, heart failure!

Apparently, today when we were at the health nurse, apparently the health nurse had to keep reminding herself that Eden was only 2 (and nearly 2 months) instead of 3. Apparently she speaks really well.

Hooray! We are finally getting somewhere with toilet training! Just now, she farted and said "oh! I have to do a wee" . We ran to the toilet, but she had let off with a bit of the runs. I had her sit on the toilet, and it all just followed. So proud of her for telling me! I put a new nappy on her, she started colouring again, then looked up and said "I need to wee again!" She fumbled with the lid of her marker, but she had already done a wee. BUT, she can tell me!

Sleep. I need some!

Feeling totally emotionally drained today. I fought with Andrew over granola. Who the hell does that? I wanted to start another personal paleo challenge today (May 1st), and by making granola this became my 'cereal'. Apparently it's the best topping to the full-to-the-brim cereal that Andrew eats. Both he and Jensen are eating heaps at the moment (Jensen, day before yesterday, ate two sachets of minute oats - I can eat one).

Eden is stressing me out, she's not sleeping well. Going to bed is fine, staying asleep in it is impossible. Regardless if she day naps or not, she sleeps like shit. Awake about 4 times a night and either falls back asleep instantly in mine or Nannas bed. Will sleep through the night in ours (or nannas bed), but not in her own. But she treats our bed, or their bed, like her own and starfishes and sleeps all over the place. Occasionally, Jensen joins in too, waking in the night and comes in to us. Makes 4 bodies in a queen bed, and both starfish. I'm the one that feels like they need to get up and sleep somewhere else. Both get shitty when I try to move them. Andrew sleeps through it all.

C25k week 4 day 3

Week 4 day 3 complete. I had Andrew's​​ company for my warm up, then he ditched me. About 1km from home, I stumbled in the dark, thought I saved myself from falling, fell anyway. Pushed myself the rest of the way home with a twisted knee and ankle and sore hip (and scraped elbow!) Time to ice my injuries.

Blowout

Try hard as I might, shifting this weight isn't happening as smoothly as I'd like. 2 weeks ago, I went back to Paleo eating. Last week, I jumped on the scales on the Wednesday and discovered I lost a massive 1.8kg in a week. So I had a little left over chocolate. Then some bread. And whatever we had in the fridge/ freezer/ pantry. This continued all week and then over the weekend coz I was out and mum and my sisters place. And I ate chocolate at mums (most probably because it was there, and because - and I don't if this is true for everyone else - once I have chocolate it's like a drug and I just craved it more and more). I started back eating paleo again on Monday, because holy moly I was feeling it. As I was getting dressed this morning, my jeans don't fit :( I feel bigger than what I did 2weeks ago :( I know I Ate a lot of crap over the weekend, but surely not at much.

I'm feeling sorry for myself, even though I did it to myself. I can't even make myself do my c25k, I hate it. I like the feeling of completion. Just not the actual running. I just want to lose some weight, 12(maybe 15 now...) and keep it off.

E is asleep on the other side of the queen bed , just launched herself at me to snuggle at my face

Romance

Sometimes, mainly when I'm on my own and have all my own thoughts all to myself, I think of my husband. I remember things we've done together, things that have been said, things that we've done for each other (good - like the drawings/doodles he drew for me before we started dating. I think I may still have one somewhere - or annoying - he seems to be quite good at annoying me, just to get a reaction). I remember. I feel good. Those memories make me smile.

Then I think.... Is the romance I have with my husband better as a memory? Most times I come home and get grumped at, or whinged to or pick up after him or have him roll the other way in bed then unceremoniously fart on me. Yep. Love is alive here.

But I don't think / remember those things when I'm alone.

When I remember things when I'm alone, I feel like I fall more in love. That that feeling should last forever. Sadly, when I get home or make a phone call to him or come home to a mess, that it all comes shattering down and I'm hurtled back to Earth.

Sometimes, I'd like to be surprised. To feel that way spontaneously. To have a new memory created. Perhaps even a random thank you or hug or kiss on the cheek - for no reason, just because.

Is love amplified in memory or is it a constant for YOU? Do you make your partner / spouse / loved one / family member feel special out of the blue? So they can create their own happy memory? Do they know how they make you feel (or how you make them feel)? Do they know you are happy and content just as you are right now, or that you need a little extra something? It could be as simple as validation for something that you did - even if it was for yourself, or them, or your kids, or the stranger in the street.

Do other people even think like this? Do other people think back on memories? Even ones that make them cringe?

 I have a few cringe memories, and most of those go hand in hand with regret. I try not to dwell too much on those ones, but the cringe memory seems to be the one with the most detail, the detail just tightly holds onto regret like a little girl walking an excited puppy. So close and yet completely separate.

Do you even know how your other half feels? Do you (or they) feel this romance constantly - the intensity never varying, or do you (or they) cling to those few memories that are few and far between?

Why won't E sleep in her own bed?! Drives me crazy. Goes to sleep in J's bed, then comes into mine. Half asleep tanty ensues when trying to put her back to bed. Frustrating. When she finally gets it that I want my side back, she sleeps on top of the blanket between my legs, or mine and Andrews legs.

What?

E gets all excited abd loves to help people take their shoes, and particularly socks, off. She also is happy to put rubbish in the bin.

Tonight, E helped Andrew take his socks off, she said "yay!" and he told her to put them in the dirty clothes basket. She collected them and ran off with them. Andrew called her back and told her *our* wash basket. He then turned to me and said "I'm so glad she loves doing all the womanly tasks..."

What?

Just heard the first hurtful words directed at me by J.
"You've changed, mum, you're no longer fun, but mean"
I am devastated. He can't even tell me what I'm doing (or not doing) so I can fix it. :'(

over it

I want out.

I can't do this anymore. I want to live in a house with just my family. They are my children. I want to be able to take care of them, look after them, go cross at them, cuddle them wherever and when ever I like. I want to be able to leave things where I want to.

Today is Easter. I had everyone's easter chocolate / presents on the table. E decided that she would just eat as much chocolate as she could get her hands on (when told "No more chocolate!" she responded with "But it's yummy!"). She was sitting in my seat, next to Pop's seat.  She opened one of my chocolates (I don't care, it's not like I need more!) But then she reached for Pop's and tried to open his. Well fuck me if he just didn't lose his shit at her. My apologies for the language, but holy crap man, she's TWO. She sees unattended chocolate, there, ready for the taking. She doesn't know that the little selections on the table are for specific people. SHE JUST SEES CHOCOLATE. Wanker. That turned into a yelling match. Andrew took it at me yelling at him. I was just yelling. I wasn't yelling at E, or Andrew, or really at Andrew's mother. I am just totally over the way Andrew's dad speaks to E. I mean, she only had her 2nd birthday just on two weeks ago. He doesn't treat J the same way. It's like J could do nothing wrong, but E just has to breathe and hey, you're pissing me off kid. Later in the morning, he was in his bed (coz that's just a whole other story - he had surgery on his backside, then while recovering from that now has bursitis, which is a frozen shoulder), and while E and J were watching Dora in his room, he hears beeping. He immediately went mad at E for playing with the the telephone. She didn't even have it. Dora was beeping.

I'm just so totally over her being blamed for everything. A few months ago, his wallet went missing. As did Andrew's mothers keys. E is forever finding things and playing with them and putting them where she thinks she needs to go. I ended up finding the keys, but the wallet was still missing. She was blamed for it missing. It turned up, in the mop bucket full of water. Yes, she may have put it there, but the wallet wasn't put back in it's normal place, so technically, who's fault was it that it ended up in the mop bucket? Should it be E, the one who put it in the bucket, or the one who left it where she could get to it?

rant over

I am at a complete loss on how to deal with E. Regardless of what time of day it is, she is an absolute handful. I would one day absolutely love to give her (and J) another little sibling. When putting E to bed, that's when my resolve is tested. It should not take 2 hours to put a two year old to bed. :(

I feel as it I'm failing as a parent, as a mum. I can't do anything right. She wants Nanna. Never mummy. Yesterday J told me I yell too much. I tried hard today, never yelled. We all painted, I took photos. They tubbed in the laundry tub. We went to the library. We had tuna egg boats for lunch (and cheesy ham toastie). I was told again that I've changed. Still in a bad way. When I left for work just now, they were in my bed, with Nanna on my couch, watching Inspector Gadget. I would have preferred no tv, but I don't want to be told I'm not a fun mum anymore.

I'm struggling with this course at Uni, the thought to throw it all in has crossed my mind more than once. Then I think that's 3 years I've missed of my children's life for nothing, so I don't.

The First Tooth!

My baby lost his first tooth today! He was so proud of his wiggly tooth, he was showing everyone! It's Good Friday, so Andrew had the day off and came with me to the gym with the kids. I finished my 30 min session, and he was showing a lady from the gym who had just turned up how wiggly it was. As he moved his hand away, out the tooth came! Andrew watched it happen. I was chatting to a friend, so I missed it, but wow, it was surreal when he showed me! I remember when he got that first tooth! I don't remember how old he was, but I had already returned to work, part time. J and I had a health nurse appointment, I breast fed him, gave him to Andrew's mother who was waiting for us outside and went to work. I worked for 3 hours, then went straight to pick him up. I was gone 4, maybe 4.5 hours total. My mother-in-law asked me how long he's had teeth. I told her he doesn't! She showed me by giving him a drink of water in a glass. I could hear the tink tink of the teeny tiny teeth in his bottom gum! My baby had teeth!

Now, one of those front teeth is gone! His bottom front right one. Took two days from wiggly to out! I doubt the other bottom one is far away!  The Tooth Fairy is bringing him $5 in the form of 3x $1 coins, 6x  20c, a 10c and a 50c ! He had told me before he went to bed that he was expecting 50c! He's going to be excited when he sees all the coins! My bet is he's not going to care how much is in there, just that there is lots of coins!

crazy

It's been stupid crazy here lately.

I need to write my assignment and am procrastinating badly (ie: I'm here writing this blog post...)

I felt a puddle on the carpet before I put the kids to bed 2 nights ago, in the wee hours of the next morning it was a huge puddle. By that afternoon, there'd been a plumber over trying to find the leak (there isn't one) and have ripped up or stanley knifed the mould soggy carpet and underlay and rotten boards that the carpet sticks to.

Exam in 2 weeks. Same procrastination as above.

I turned down the opportunity to re-join tupperware

My grandmother tells me my aunty thinks I look like I've put on weight. I have (1-2kg), but surely skin tight jeggings and a pink tutu does nothing for anyones figure...

I'm 2 days late for my next c25k round (I believe I'll be up to week 3, day 1). I seem to find excuses. To be fair, a migraine and / or headache for 5 days will give you a damned good excuse.

J's loose tooth is bothering him, says it hurts and he has difficulty eating biting food. How long does it take for a tooth to fall out?

But to contradict my previous statement, we went out to dinner to Montezumas tonight, and he's eaten more than I've ever seen!!

I've been super shitty today. It took 45 mins of screaming like a banshee from E before I remembered I could pop her on my back in the ergo and she'll calm down and sleep.. There went 1 hour (coz it took another 15 min to properly get her to sleep and onto bed) for my assigmment. Then the kids were mental waiting for dinner. knocked over a drink and everything.

Then when we got home, the kids, Andrew, and his mum (and another boy) had a swim. That doesn't seem to spend her energy. So I asked if Andrew's mum could calm her down while I looked for something she asked for. I found it, the kid was still up playing ("yeah, I was getting her bottle"), so again I left her to it and got back to my assignment (which is what I was doing when they were all in the pool), and then I hear her, J and the other boy screaming and giggling and carrying on. That's not calming her down. What I really meant to say was "YOU put her to bed". When I finally resigned myself to putting E to bed myself, she came and took her off me and put her to sleep.

I need a holiday. badly. All I've been thinking was "remember when we could just ask the kids if they'd like a sleep over at Nannas?" Well, that doesn't work anymore. We live with Nanna. I just want a break. I'm tired. Cranky. stressed. annoyed, have a bit of pain (thankfully, no headache). I really just want this assignment to go away (but I don't know where to start and it confuses me and hurts my brain).

I've said yes to an 8 o'clock session at the gym in the morning (instead of 8:30). I've told my friend I'll bring in her textbook, but right now I've just realised I have no idea where it is.

I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Wobbly Tooth!

At school this afternoon, Jensen showed me him wobbling his tooth. I didn't think anything of it, because sometimes you can think the tooth is wobbly, but it's just your finger moving. Later, when playing a game, he showed me again. Only I was much more closer and OMG, the boy has a wobbly tooth! A front bottom tooth!

HIS right bottom tooth is wobbly!
It's the one that looks like it's out of place.

Andrew didn't lose a tooth until later in his childhood, and I don't remember when I lost any of mine, so I just assumed J would follow in Andrew's footsteps and be a late bloomer in the 'loose tooth' department.

That tooth is so wobbly!

I really wish these migraines would stop!!

My kids

My kids, I love them. But sometimes they test my idea of a good parent. It shouldn't take 2hours to put a 2yr old to bed. I should t resort to putting her in bed, then walking out and shutting that door. It breaks my heart. It breaks hers. It breaks mine even more when I hear a tiny pointer finger knocking on the door and a little voice saying "knock knock mummy. Mummy door open. Mummy open" . She's never in there long by herself, but not long after, she is normally asleep. I suck at bedtime. To be fair, it's not every night.

J keeps pushing his luck at bedtime too. He wants to stay up late and gets so tired.

Tonight is a Saturday. I let him stay up late. It is also March 23 and tonight is earth hour. He was up until 9, and was so tired even then. But when I put him in bed, he told me that he would like earth hour every 1st day of the weekend every weekend. I told him I love the idea, and he should suggest it to the family at breakfast in the morning.

a cake surprise hit!

I made E's birthday cake.

I was so freaking nervous making it.

I'd never made it before.

The cake didn't rise (it was meant to be cupcakes, on the recipe), like I thought it would (which dashed any ideas I had for the party)

But it met the needs for my sisters kids dietary requirements. I made the cake (plus one test cupcake), and the icing (but I had to halve the icing as I didn't have enough ingredients).

Well, the cake sunk in the middle :sadface: So did the cupcake. Oh well.

The recipe for the icing. It tasted too much like coconut oil. I added more cocoa. Too cocoa-y. Added some maple syrup. Much better and a better icing consistency. I didn't actually added a certain amount, just what I thought might work.

Iced the cake.

Let it to sit in the fridge overnight and while I was at work all day.

The party was good, I think she enjoyed it.

The cake, however - my biggest stress - was a hit! Everyone said it was nice! My sister suggested next time I make it a slice.

So now I let you in on the recipe.... I found it here:

enjoy!

Grain-Free Vanilla Cupcakes with “Paleo-fied” Chocolate Frosting

Happy birthday!

Hope you had a beautiful birthday baby girl!

Yesterday, I had one of those days. Nothing went right, Eden wouldn't go down for her nap, screamed and carried on for 2.5hrs. I eventually put her into the ergo, and she was asleep in 5 min! So I didn't get enough baking done yesterday as I would have liked. Which sucked coz E's party is today. It's going to suck. No mini muffins that are suitable for my sisters kids. The only people to get back to me is my sister and one of my friends, making a total amount of kids coming is 5 including my own.

Then I let Eden stay up coz I wasn't feeling well, hoping shed slowly get tired and be ready for bed by herself . By 8pm ish, I'd had enough and feeling really nausea and tired from the gym, I tried to put her to bed. I was sort of succeeding too, until around 830 when Andrew came home and the in laws dog when bananas and roused the kids. Now im sick, sore a d pissed off. So I sent Andrew for a drive to put E to sleep, which only sent J to sleep. So I try again, but I'm feeling worse and started to cry (which is an indicator that I am sick). E immediately hugged me and kept repeating "I'm sorry mummy, I'm sorry mummy" ah uh made me cry more coz it wasn't her fault I was crying.

Finally, by 930, she was asleep. However, I had two bed guests over the course of the night, E was in here 3 times! Once, she told me it was her bed and pushed me out. She's still here.

About to get up for work for my new shift hours today. Eden's party is an hour after I finish, so lets hope things go smoothly!

C25k

Today is day 2 of week 2 C25k (couch to 5km).

I think I'm getting better at this running thing.

Would be a whole lot easier if there weren't so many hills around!

Our street has a massive incline hill, and I thought I'd be at the warm down by the time I got to it, but no, I had one last run.

It almost killed me.

I wanted to give up.

I didn't.

The running seemed to conveniently end when I reached the top.

Which is good, coz I nearly died.  Or at least nearly vomited. OMG. That was freaking crazy.

I'll run down that hill next time!

Awesome mummy moment

Lately, when I put Eden to bed, there is such a carry on. She fusses and screams and fidgets and cries. Sometimes I persist, and win (after about 30-60 mins - or longer!), or we tag-team and Andrew tries.

Sometimes, my mother in law comes in and takes over, and Eden is alseep within 5 minutes.

This is really frustrating (and heartbreaking - my little girl doesn't want me, she wants Nanna....)

Apparently, I'm to enjoy that she comes in and takes over. Use the time to rest, or relax or whatever.

I can't do that. That's my child. I should be able to get her to sleep.

She's playing up on me (us) to get you, and she wins.

Well - not tonight.

Wow the carry on was huge. I tried to calm her by singing (I do this every night, it wasn't just something I tried to start tonight). I got through 2 songs ('Away In A Manager' and 'Jesus Loves Me (This I Know)') and the screaming was still going on. So I told her if she doesn't stop and calm down, she was going into her bed, and I was walking out and closing the door. Which is what happened. I was only outside less than a minute when her crying turned to coughing. Picked her back up, screaming continued. I asked her to stop and she's calling out for Nanna, or mummy's bed, or mummy's side. I tell her no and ask her if she'd like to go for a swim tomorrow. She nods yes and I tell her that she has to calm down and take some deep breaths. Wow. That worked! I finally got her to lie down in J's bed, but then she tells me 'my yucky' - wet/dirty nappy which we go and change. On the way back to bed, a small fuss occurs, but is fixed by asking her about swimming tomorrow. Back into J's bed, and he joins us. I sing 3 rounds of (all of the verses) 'Amazing Grace'. Both are asleep. Eden transferred back to her bed.

All by myself. No help from Andrew or his mum! I'm so pleased I can help my children off to sleep!

Is it a sign?

Yesterday, I was talking to my mother in law about ways I can earn more money (as my hours were cut at work)

I suggested, and she agreed, that maybe I should start my Tupperware business back up again - be a Tupperware demonstrator.

Now, I love my Tupperware, I have so much of it, so it makes total sense!

BUT

When I was a demonstrator, I struggled with public speaking and the big thing - sales and party dates.

Now, I really only need 1, maybe 2 dates a week and I will be happy. Any money I make can go straight into saving for the house.

Today, I was thinking of my old manager from Tupperware, wondering how her family was etc.

Then about an hour later, she calls me! How random! I know it was a cold call, and I know she was fishing for a recruit.

The question now is, do I or don't I?

Is it a sign that I was thinking of re-joining Tupperware, and I was also thinking of her... and then she calls??

I Miss

Living with my in - laws is good, not optimum - we have our moments - but on the whole, it's going well.

It's been nearly 6 months since we've moved in.

I miss:

Having my own kitchen

Doing things my way

Not having to feel like I've upset someone

Having the house to myself ( I can be here by myself, but father in law is pretty much home all the time, even if it is in his room). Even if I do have the house to myself, someone always comes home. 

My cats. Yep. They were freaking annoying, but I miss them.

I miss the awesome backyard we had and the shade it had in the afternoon.

I miss not having to be quiet while the in laws are napping. (yep, they nanny nap)

I miss having a loungeroom next to the kitchen, where I can keep an eye on the kids and play with them while dinner is cooking, instead of the kitchen down one end of the house and my room (Where the tv is) is down the other.

I miss having a lounge room. Sounds silly, but yes. I miss it.

I miss the kids having their own room (even though they enjoy sharing one).

I miss my own decor. The house is decorated their way, obviously.

I miss being able to make a mess in the kitchen and not worrying until tomorrow morning (and using that time to play with my kids, instead of cleaning up)

I miss not having to worry if anyone can hear us being all intimate and adult. (awkward coz the other night that was happening and after we were satisfied, I went to check on the kids, to find mother in law humming and rocking Eden back to sleep. The kids and I share a wall.)

And after all this time, I can honestly say, I am NOT a dog person.

remember the other day, when Andrew shocked me with his comment about more children?

I decided to test what he'd said.

We currently use cloth nappies, and E is toilet training (doing a terrible job, but that's a whole other post).

I asked : What should I do with all the nappies?

He said : (and I get giddy just thinking about this..)  Sell them, we can buy more when we need to.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.

Text message

Andrew sent me a text message today asking if when the tradesman next door to where Andrew works now retires, do we want to take over the lease and run a business.

He asks this by text message.

my response?


WOW.

Not the kind of thing I was expecting in a text!

I'll have to think on it.

The idea is appealing!

Ever had that moment...

Ever had one of those moments, like on tv or in the movies, where you know your partner has a particular stance or view on a topic and you know his answer before you speak? But when you talk about the subject, and take the opposite view and try and validate your argument before he can respond with his objection? And then he lets you finish your time on the soap box, and then AGREES with you?

Ever had that happen?

Neither had I until today.

Right now, I have 3 cousins and 5 friend pregnant. 

One of those 5 friends shared secretly today that she is pregnant. Only just, but still pregnant. This particular friend and I seem to be on the same baby-making schedule, with both have 2 children, born within weeks and days of each other.

Anyway, I'm a little jealous. I had only just been looking for a photo of E's cot so I can sell it, and looking at all hers and J's baby photos made me nostalgic, homesick and clucky.

So I was sharing this information (the photo searching, the baby photos and our friends new pregnancy) and the fact I was clucky with Andrew. I then went onto quickly keep talking before Andrew could interject with valid reasons for not adding to our family. I totally understand, we're saving for a house, I have to finish uni, we live with my in-laws, we're not in a financial position (for either a baby or  a house), the list went on. I ended with a flourish, stating I was ready to accept that we're saving for a house, not a baby.

This is where you need to be sitting down....

Andrew catches me off guard by saying when we're settled into our home, we will be able to try again. His friend is his age and has just had her first child (Andrew is 4 years older than me), another of his friends - the same age - has just had their 3rd child. So it's not totally out of the question.

Yep, that shut me up for a few minutes. I'd have kissed him if he wasn't on the toilet at the time...

WOW. What did you just say?

We currently have a 'plan' to have saved enough to put a deposit down on a house in 2 years.  Say we succeed in that plan, and settle in after a year or so, I'll still be a year younger than Andrew is now and thinking of adding to the family!

I am still in shock! What a turn around! 

3 weeks until school holidays

There may be 3 weeks until school holidays, it may be in the afternoon after school, but I finally got this photo opportunity...

That was his original answer before school started too...

Eden

This morning when I was just about to grab my keys, I hear a tiny yawn and then some little voice singing to herself. Eden is awake! Normally this means tears and tantrums at the door while I'm leaving.

This morning, I was already in the car and had started the engine, I see her toddle up to the screen door, smile a huge smile and wave! I even saw her say "bye mummy". I waved back and she toddled down the hallway to Andrew!

She's growing up!

Well. Those extra hours I was expecting? They actually took hours from me. They took hours from everyone, but seriously, I only work 15hrs a fortnight, and as of next fortnight, 13.5hrs. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do yet. I've applied for a whole heap of afternoon shifts for that coming fortnight.

Sleep.. I need more

When did "up ta" become "mummy, down please?" Or a whole sentence? "Pop, Nanna in bed?" Eden has just had a brain explosion and has heaps words and now sentences...

But she also seems to know when I work. She will sleep restlessly, and lightly, on the nights before I work (so, at this stage, Friday night and Saturday night), leaving me exhausted for my 5am wake up Saturday and Sunday. Doesn't make for a good shift because I'm exhausted.

Eh, better just soldier on ... I should find out today if I've been given the extra shifts I applied for...

Too smart

Well, That backfired. I was actually just there to pick Jensen up this afternoon, but he wanted to show me some artwork in his tray. While we were there looking, another parent was on the other side of the drawers talking to the teacher. I was looking at Jensen's work, the teacher hands me a piece of paper to look at while she continues to talk to the other parent. ( I actually kind of liked the way she did that, as that way she still got to talk to the other parent, as well as "talking" to me ) The paper was the benchmark reading test. Last week (possibly the week before), Jensen was benchmarked, and they found that he breezed through Reading Level 5. I had been told that she would have to try Level 8.

Well, the piece of paper was the result of the level 8 Benchmark. There were 11 'mistakes' (or the words that Jensen had trouble with). 11 mistakes is apparently less than 10%, so the teacher tells me "I'll just have to try him on Level 10". I had to laugh at the way she says "I'll just have to ..." Made it sound like try again doing something unpleasant. I know she didn't mean it like that. I did mention to her about how I was confused and concerned about her comment of "such a thing as too smart". She laughed. There's nothing to be worried about. She mentioned that it is her 1st year teaching, and they "don't teach you how to talk to the parents!"

I don't mind, I like hearing about how he's going from her. She seems be genuinely excited for Jensen.

There are one or two other boys not far behind Jensen's 'level'. One boy has also seen what Jensen can do and is trying to do it himself.

Jensen has show and tell on Monday / Tuesday. He's the first one for the class to do show and tell. I thought that because we are near the top of the class roll, that that would be why he's first. But he's first so he can set the example for the other kids on how to present show and tell. I am both excited and nervous for him... for the same reason - that he is the example.

Words from the teacher

 This afternoon, I hung around to talk to the teacher about how Jensen is coping socially. We're concerned that the smarts he has will alienate him from the other students. Some of the other kids in the class already knew each other from Kindy or daycare, and Jensen is completely new and fresh.

We did discuss that Jensen is doing well, playing with the kids in the yard, and gets along great in the classroom with the others. She did note that while they are sitting on the mat, Jensen tends to sit away from the other boys. She thinks perhaps it's because they're rowdy and he wants to listen and pay attention...

She showed me a drawing that he did today, and was quite excited to do so. I was so excited to see it, as it was drawn in orange - and not green. She obviously saw I totally missed the reason she showed it to me and pointed out that he wanted to write by himself. He has written "Happy" "Sad" and "Love" with each drawing. Jensen had told her "Don't tell me how to spell 'sad', coz I already know how to spell it".

While I was marvelling at that,  lost in awe that this kid can do all this - the teacher pipes up with "There is such a thing as too smart". We wrapped up our conversation not long after that, but to be honest, I can't remember what was said. I'm freaking out about that one statement. What does it mean?

I've spoken to Andrew's brother and his wife (both teachers), and they think maybe she's a little thrown by Jensen. It's her first year of teaching and maybe they didn't teach her about how to handle a smarter child.

I'm going to leave it for a few days and then try and see her again. I don't want to be the pesty mum bailing up the teacher each afternoon!

gym

Yep, I'm awesome! Beat my time twice (rounds two and three) as well as beat Andrew's AMRAP of 30 skips, 3 heavy ball over the shoulder things (I'm sure it has a name!). Andrew completed 7 rounds, I completed 9 rounds and 5 more skips! Feeling pretty good right now :D

Oh, and managed a few handstands against the wall (with out breaking my neck, like last time I tried!)

My little reader

Thursday, I stopped the ask the J's prep teacher a question. I asked what I needed to and she answered, but then quickly responded with : "Oh, and I need to talk to you....". Very ominous, and scary sounding. However, nothing to worry about! They had been 'testing' the preppies to see what level they're at, which need more help and which are a little further ahead. Turns out my little man is one of the latter! He read a sight word book (I think I've mentioned it in the last post...) to her. So the teacher has told me that she'll 'benchmark' him - find out where he is with reading and comprehension. 

So Friday is benchmark day, and I hang around to find out what she's found out. Now, when a child graduates Prep, they need to (or should be)at a reading level 5. He can already read the reading level 5, and comprehended it. To use the teachers words, she was "blown away"! She says she's goign to test him again, this time at a level 8. I am so proud of Jensen. 

At home, we are currently trying to think up ways to use sight words. Sight words on paper is all good, but my mother-in-law and I are currently thinking of using an idea we've seen on pinterest - using lego duplo and words on paper stuck to the lego duplo. However, we're going to use the abundance of mega blocks we have that no one plays with. This way, he can read the sight words, and make a sentence with them!

A status catch-me-up

So  much to catch up on, cant remember what though. I NEED to log in every day. So much happens every day, but I just cant be bothered.

I also can't remember what's been happening... so I'll catch-up  like this:

7/2 - Not impressed with Elysium (try absolutely ropable) right now. Have the manager tell me I can bring outside food (for the paleo people and children) and go to confirm it only to be told that there's a NEW manager (in the 7 days since I spoke to the other one) and the event co-ordinator needs to see what the new manager says. 1 week later, the co-ordinator rings me back says the new manager says no to outside food. So.... Anyone with a dietary requirement is screwed. Sorry.

Does anyone have those fabric food wraps / pouches? Are they any good, and where did you get them?

9/2 Home from Chase's 2nd birthday party. Eden sang "happy days, hooray!" half the way home! Hope you had a great day, Chase!

1

11/2 - Who doesn't eat their muesli and yoghurt with a prawn chip?

Disgusted in the behaviour of someone on the street. Between 12:10-12:20 today someone stole our baby seat from outside on the back of our car. Just pulled up, jumped out, stole it and drove off. Turns out the car seat was not stolen, phew!

12/2 Yesterday, Jensen sent off 2 Valentines cards! Thursday, he's going on an after school date!

13/2 One lucky Valentines card receiptient

15/2 - Goodbye 20's, hello 30!

Thank you all so very much for your birthday wishes! I had a good day, and am looking forward to my party tomorrow! See you all there!

I thought this was lovely. I'm not sure of the source of this, though...

16/2 Getting a new 'do!

PARTY TIME!!

17/2 - Love listening to Jensen sound out words, and working out what they say!

18/2 - Eden is scribbling and telling me what each scribble is! So far she's 'drawn' 4 aeroplanes and 2 turtles

Jensen asleep during a book; Eden perched on the end of her bed

21/2 - I need to remember this!

Must have been a good (paleo) cupcake, Eden. You ate the wrapper as well!

22/2 - Eden says "egg nummy!" Bok bok nummy!" while we're at the egg farm!

My 5yr old son wants to start composting! What can go into the compost?

Beat my times (3 times!) today at my PT session! Thanks Ben!

Proud Mum moment this afternoon! Stayed to ask Jensen's teacher about something and she tells me she starting him on bigger sight words next week as he read her a whole 'book' without help. The book had the sight word 'a'.

23/2 - Thanks Eden, for being my alarm.

Andrew thinks this is me. He is right!

24/2 - So would it be wrong of me to postpone Eden's birthday party by 1 or 2 weeks? I ordered something from eBay and it won't get here in time for her birthday. But, then it's nearly Easter... What to do?!?

Something else I need to remember!

I would love to hear this one day...

25/2 Hooray ! My kettle still works!

oh my! I won a competition! Not anything for me though.

26/2 - Bed hog. My back hurts from sleeping in a contorted position. Seems my pillow and the mattress are comfortable. I don't even know how or when she got into bed!

My grandma and her great-granddaughter, Eden, are hanging out today!!

Nervous for the start of this lecture ....

Heard some good news for 2 of my cousins today!! (both are ppregnant, one with her 3rd - finally a girl!; the other with a much-longed for baby bump!)

Eden got to stay up a little longer because she asked .. "Harry Potter? Me? Harry Potter?"

Because 10:30 is the time of the evening to turn on my iPod onto its loudest setting and start singing along with Taylor Swift. You're lucky you're cute, Eden!

27/2 - Found the freaking massive spider from the other night... ON NY LEG

Just what every asthmatic family needs! Mould spores and mould through your closet...

me: "Jensen... How much would could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
Jensen: "Eight!"